Wisdom has set me on fire,
There is nothing to discriminate,
There is no other,
But the One True Self.
Wisdom is one thing; the practical side is totally another ball game. In the life of a mystic, there are two journeys. One is seeking the Truth itself and the other one is action or application of the Truth.
The seeker goes out searching for the Truth. They do not know if they will achieve anything. Will they achieve liberation? Will they see God? Is there a God? All these are unanswered questions and the seeker is comfortable with these doubts. The seeker moving towards becoming a mystic is fully aware that the questions are not real. They don’t need answers because they are distractions towards the Truth. The Truth doesn’t need to answer any questions. If we do not accept the Truth then there are two reasons. One is that we have not accepted the Truth and the second, which regardless of the first reason is more important, and that is whether we have applied this Truth to our daily lives.
The Seeker goes out and with all of their life, with their every breath, with every bit of their energy they need the Truth. When they meet the One – the Master, the Guru, the seeker receives the Divine Wisdom, known as Brahm Gyan from the Guru and life is transformed if the awakening occurs. The Seeker now has the knowledge, what next? The application must be there. The Seeker must see the knowledge, the wisdom in every aspect of life. In nature, in nurture, in essence, it should see through the eyes of wisdom and then the Mystic is born. Every action carries the dust of the Truth so that whenever another seeker wants the Truth, it should follow the trail of dust that the Mystic leaves behind.
When the awakening has occurred, the Mystic, like their Guru will be someone who has patience for one and all, they go beyond their labels – their nationality, race and religion. They move beyond boundaries. They have compassion for everyone because they see the same Light within them in others. They do not discriminate, like the Sun doesn’t discriminate on what it give its Light to. The Mystic, like their Guru understands the importance of forgiveness. That means forgiveness of one’s own mistakes and the large-heartedness to forgive others. Who are we to judge on the severity of a certain mistake or mishap that someone has made directly or indirectly towards us. The Mystic is an example, and the Light that shines from them is because of the wisdom they received from their Guru.
If the Light that we shine differentiates and judges then is it the Light of God or Truth? Are we following the words of the Guru, if we are using our own mind over the Guru’s teachings? Have we truly accepted the Guru? If the seeker discriminates and judges then the question goes on whether the seeker truly feels that the Guru is someone worth following. If the Guru doesn’t judge but has compassion for all, then isn’t that the natural course of action for the seeker? The Mystic has to follow the Guru but the seeker has a choice. The seeker is at a crossroad, it can either choose to follow the Guru’s way or it can abandon the ship and carrying on searching. Therefore, the seeker can never claim to be a disciple of a Guru until they surrender their mind to the Guru and whoever surrenders understands the Guru and becomes a Mystic. This is the grace and blessing of the Spiritual Master.
This Light, this Wisdom, this God that is revealed by the Master is only for those that want to become mystics, who want to have union with the One. The One that has created everything is the manifest and the unmanifest. The One that has no end, no beginning and is self-existent. This One, which is the Truth, which is consciousness, awareness and bliss. This is the way of life for the Mystic.
The Mystic never wants to let go of the Guru’s path and everything for the Mystic is about being as the Guru so wishes. If the Guru says to love everyone, then love everyone it is. If the Guru says to be compassionate, then compassion it is. If the Guru says forgive under any circumstance, then forgiveness it is. The Guru has the final and only say in the Mystic’s life. The seeker will pick and choose whatever is said but will do whatever their mind says. The Mystic understands the Guru’s actions, whilst a seeker can misunderstand it.
The evolution of the seeker has to occur. The Mystic must be born and this is where having a Master is necessary or makes it easier. The Master will show you the way, they will be the example and they will liberate you from this earth. No longer will you be confined in the body and mind, you will become the vastness of this One. When the Mystic is born, this world becomes more beautiful. The beauty of the One can only be understood by those in the mystic tradition and the Guru has defined this tradition.
To move forward in one’s awakening, to truly feel free and liberated, the seeker must become the Mystic.
In a reflective mood tonight,
To check where I am at the end of 2016,
Another year has whizzed by,
With it blessings and losses,
The blessing is my marriage,
The loss is the Guru that I loved more than anything,
Snatched away in a moment,
Without a glimmer of hope of survival,
The One whom I still feel is alive
Would appear lifeless in the month of May.
I want to say that this year has been great,
But that would be a lie,
The aloneness I feel is not ordinary,
It seems like I have been forced into it,
I have had the aloneness look at me,
And I give in to it and the darkness is embraced.
Then I have a beautiful wife,
Who is like an angelic light
Who whispers to me that I am never alone,
And I smile and feel okay on the surface,
With the Light entering the roots of my mind eventually.
The tears that I shed contain my sadness and happiness,
The joys of being with someone who reminds me of Him,
Then the sadness of realising He is no longer here,
Although the presence of our Satguru is everywhere,
It can never be destroyed or even created,
It is transferred in every moment,
From one cell to one universe,
It is difficult to not be able to hear a response,
To have a hug and forget my troubles,
To have that one glance where our eyes meet,
I will know in that instance that God is here,
And I miss this interaction more and more everyday.
I may be lost today and trying to find my feet,
I may try to live in a reality where You are here,
Baba ji, it is not easy being without You,
For me a Guru is never born nor dies,
That is why I cannot understand this ‘death’,
You are aliveness and Fullness,
You are Formless and Boundless,
You are the Soundless Sound,
You are the Gateless Gate,
In 2017 this is what I need to reawaken,
I know where I am failing,
And that is where I will be picking myself up,
2016 has been a lesson not a defeat,
And 2017 will be lessons learned.
As much as I write,
I can never touch the glory of the Creator,
I cannot write even a single letter.
The power lies in the word,
Once the word is understood,
It is heard in all directions,
It becomes the Friend of your heart.
I have tried to write about This One,
Who has shown me just a glimpse of Him,
And I am failing to write a single atom to Him,
His Vastness has no bounds and is infinite.
When He is fully realised,
This pen will not be able to lifted,
The beauty of the Formless is indescribable,
Silence fails to even comprehend Him.
My Formless, I surrender to You,
Let the Pen of Realisation re-write my mind,
Let the Pen of Realisation re-write my heart,
Let the Pen of Realisation re-write my soul,
Wherever and however I am approached,
May it only be You – Formless One,
That is experienced by all.
Surrendering I am singing Your praises,
Surrendering I am writing Your praises,
Surrendering I am hearing Your praises,
Surrendering I am walking Your praises,
Surrendering I am forever alive,
Whoever surrenders is never born nor dies.
Words – spoken or written will never do justice to the most beautiful person I had ever known – Baba ji.
More than six months since He left His body, I feel the sadness, loss, pain increasing everyday.
I have never felt a loss like this due to the multiple relationships He fulfilled for me. I lost my best friend, my father, my uncle, my Satguru all in one go. I don’t know what to grieve for the most or where to even begin.
His sweet nature, His soft spoken voice, His language of respect, His expressions of compassion, His being that brought people of every background together was a reason for my existence and still is.
After the conclusion of the 69th Nirankari Sant Samagam in Delhi, India, I am left with deep regret and I feel disappointed in myself.
Baba ji never considered His own wellbeing, somehow Nature made sure that He was fine. Baba ji never considered His own family, somehow they managed to work around Him, all He cared about was taking the Truth to the Masses and allow people to attain liberation through the medium of God-Knowledge. His famous saying is self-realisation through God-realisation. Once we realised God, we know who we are. This is all that He lived for and He spent 36 years, sleeping for just 2-3 hours a day, travelling constantly just to awaken people like me.
Which leaves me to explain why I feel deep regret. I was never able to achieve my own expectations of being liberated whilst living and that while He was alive. I took His mortal existence to be Immortal and Eternal and this led me to take my spiritual life to be secondary and something that could wait. There was no sense of urgency for me. I did try to make it my primary reason for existence but I know that at times, instead of surrendering to what was happening, I kept worrying, I kept getting disturbed and ultimately it led to me letting Him down.
People tell me that I am ahead of them spiritually and it is a nice thing to say and even hear and I respect this opinion. However, I had my own expectations that were in line with Baba ji. He wanted my thirst for God, for enlightenment to be my everything. I had even glimpses of moments when my intensity for Truth was so much, my personal life took care of itself. My career controlled itself, it evolved by itself. I saw all this and yet I didn’t pursue this path of intense spiritual yearning. I let those glimpses remain glimpses, instead of signs that showed me what is about to arrive in my life.
His death has made me re-evaluate everything about life. Since He has died, I have got married, moved career paths but the one thing I didn’t evaluate as much as I thought I would have done on the 13th May, was my own spiritual journey. Despite knowing that Baba ji lost His life in the matter of a moment, I was still taking it easy. I was still putting spirituality in my life as a secondary thing. It remained my part-time lifestyle for when it suited me.
After the 21st November, I realised one thing. I can go in any moment, Death is always waiting.
The other thing I realised, I let Baba ji down. If only I could have been the disciple He was looking for, maybe I could have kept Him alive, given Him a reason to continue instead of bringing such a change in tragic events. I have always believed an enlightened being can decide their death and for someone like Baba ji, it goes without question. I feel personally responsible for not giving Him an alternative choice and I am not saying that every devotee of Baba ji should feel the way I feel, the question should definitely occur in us about what are we going to do following from this tragedy.
I see that I have no choice now, actually I didn’t have a choice before. I wanted a Satguru, I found Him and I knew His expectations. I know what He wanted. I don’t have a choice. Everything in my life has to let my spiritual journey take it’s place as my primary source of joy and everyday living. The thing is I have surrendered and I can’t think about my needs or wants. I have full faith that I will commit to my worldly responsibilities with just as much passion but it will never be at the detriment to my spirituality.
To complete the spiritual journey, I will have to put it first and put it into practice. I will have to focus more on being aware of the Formless One. This will have to be done whilst I complete the responsibilities I have. This is about sacrifice. I may have to put things on hold, not give as much attention as I can to certain aspects of life but it is all worth it. It is only when one has achieved the purpose of life can they truly be of value to others.
What Baba ji did for me, I can never pay Him back in hundreds of lifetimes, it will never be enough and this regret overwhelms me and I want to pay back this debt if I can.
I’m sorry Baba ji, I deeply regret not being fully enlightened in Your lifetime. You were the best thing and continue to be the best thing about my life. If I didn’t have these beautiful memories of You, my life would not be worth living. Thank You for giving us a new Satguru and I pray that I can in Her presence reach my potential – a brahm gyani – an enlightened being.
There are times that I look back and I wonder:
What more could I have done?
What else was possible?
Did I do my best?
Did I try hard enough?
You are number one!
When it comes to making decisions, the number one person has to be you. Yes, the effect of whatever you decide will have an impact on others and certain situations but your happiness has to be in your hands. No one else can determine your happiness. If you feel happy, go for it. If you feel sad, then do what makes you happy.
Just be real about things. Yes, you may doubt whether what you are doing is right or wrong but be real about how you feel. Don’t mask anything to please others. However, listen, observe and carry on doing what feels right in your being. This is the way to move forward. If something is not right then drop it and go to plan B.
Always have a plan B…
Without a plan B, it is just shoddy planning. Never lose focus but never depend on all of the eggs in your basket. Not every one will hatch and chirp away. So be ready for hiccups, be prepared for challenges and delays but stay committed.
Plan C, D or E…
Whatever the plan is that you must fall back on, every plan should lead to the same destination. All they are are simply different routes. This is the attention that is required when making a decision and sticking with it.
Not everyone is on your wavelength. The wise, meaning those ahead of you will encourage you to follow your being and what you want. They will be positive and give you that inspiration that is required. Then there are some, who are behind and they may emotionally manipulate you, try to scrap your plans but you need to stay focussed. It is important to listen to them, take what they say and check within yourself if it is worth considering. If you feel nauseas about it then stop thinking about it and move forward with your decision.
Go for it
Whatever you decide, just go for it and don’t look back. You may regret things later, you may celebrate this decision later but the regret of not going ahead with your decision will be a bigger regret than staying with the status quo and avoiding the challenge. Just go for it and forget the rest. Stay focussed on the target, be the target and your decision is your mastermind.
We all face difficulties sometimes and it can lead to hurt and pain. We never know how to deal with it. What would be the best solution, or even the route to a solution?
For me, my spirituality has never contained the element of having a conversation with the Formless. For me, the Formless is what can be called God, in fact it has many names but yet remains nameless. Without form and name, it presides everywhere and is within everything. This Formless is my support at this very time as I go through one of the toughest moments of my life.
This morning I woke up, and I do my 2 pages of morning writing, where I let my thoughts go wild on the page. It normally turns out to be like a journal but it helps keep a flow in what is happening within me. After reading this in the evening, my wife and I, meditate on the Formless for 10 minutes or so. It helps us get back into focus on what is happening and to be in the moment. It allows us both to connect spiritually and deeper than anything a verbal conversation can have.
This morning I felt I needed a bit more than meditation. I decided to have a conversation with the Formless. I just let everything out that was in my mind, I cried and felt the immense pain of losing my Beloved Guru – Baba ji. Whenever I was going through a crisis, He would have been the first person I would speak to. Sometimes, when I felt low, He would be the one to pick me up. Today, I felt in the morning that He was no longer here and I felt alone, deeply alone. My support that I had with His physical form was gone, vanished and would never occur again.
Then something remarkable happened. I felt His presence, I felt His caring nature and voice telling me that everything is okay and that I must keep faith on the Formless. I must accept and do as He wanted me to do. He told me that He had always been proud of me and that He had to leave for the collective. Those that had His personal attention will always be looked after by Him. All I had to do was concentrate on creating this relationship with the Formless. Whenever I would remember the Formless, He promised me that He will be there for me. The beauty of Hardev remains in the Formless. It’s about having a conversation and I felt the stress, the worries, the anxieties evaporated as His presence entered and I can feel it right now. I can feel His embrace, the one I have missed for over a year, finally enter my heart. This is all I needed to know that my faith will never falter.
When we go through problems, whether you believe in God or not, having a conversation with yourself, out open in the air may be a logical thing to do. Yes, it may look silly to a passerby but who cares? Your wellbeing comes first. You will be able to let your repressed emotions become expressed.
Speaking to the Formless is the real prayer. This Energy, which is Fullness will illuminate your life. All it requires is a little surrender. Letting go of your ego and mind and allowing the Formless to work wonders within you. The way to converse with Nirankar (Formless) is simply in the knowing that This Energy is here and now. Being aware of This, you are able to fully involve yourself into revealing your innermost feelings.
I know that somedays I may never get an intuitive answer but whenever I do, I will feel complete and inspired again. I will be full of positivity because my Beloved is always within me and His love can never diminish. It will continuously spread, evolve and reach every human heart.
Try it and have a conversation with Nirankar and see what beautiful pearls of wisdom arises out of it.
Satguru’s love and blessings
The one thing about being a writer is that even if you have moved on from something, you will be dragged back into that headspace. You always have to give an experience to the reader or the listener and to do this you have to give them the emotions that you had during the time.
As I look to start writing my poetry book based on my memories, experiences with Baba ji, my Beloved Spiritual Master, I know I have to go back in time and feel the exact pain that I felt then and still deal with the feelings I have now. This is the way I write my poetry and therefore, it is not necessarily that what I write is about how I feel right now but it can be about a feeling I had 5 years ago or 5 days ago.
This is going to be tough and it will get tougher while I write what I feel and how I felt, how emotional each experience, memory holds and it is in this space that I have to gather spiritual stability, to maintain that witness within me and let everything flow naturally.
We all face challenges and this book is one of them. I decided today that this book will be the last book of the trilogy, of which two books have been released already. It marks the end of the Master-Disciple relationship of Rahul and Hardev. Baba ji will always be my Beloved and it is Him that I seek all wisdom from. I want to see Him in everything and find that all ways are His beautiful ways.
Each day is tough in dealing with this loss and it never gets easy. What helps is the love and care that you get at home. I let out a lot of what I feel through writing and being in the present moment but what is experienced will always be empty and silent eventually. This emptiness will have His fullness and this silence will have His harmony. At the moment, I may be getting signs of it but He never lets any of His disciples down. All I have to do is be in synchronicity with Him.
My tears have been flowing as I remember how much He gave to me and what He gave can never be repaid for several more lifetimes but I have to repay it in this lifetime. This means I have to work several times harder to reach the goal that He gave us – which was to be enlightened, divine beings.
I will start writing tonight and all I wish for is that you all give me your good wishes and blessings.
Satguru’s love and blessings