There is a moment when one wonders ‘What the hell is going on?!’ and I do it every moment in my life. I think back of the last ten seconds, ready to dissect it and call myself an absolute wreck – emotionally, spiritually and mentally. This is the scrutiny I face from my own self. The most redeeming fact is that I am aware of myself. It is like there are two people inside me but it isn’t. One voice is my conscious and the other is my mind. Unfortunately, my mind can take over and I have to step back and think again.
I recently tried to patch things with my ex-girlfriend and as usual, an ex-partner will never see themselves as wrong. Even if you apologise, it is not enough. This is the joke of the century in my opinion. It is one reason why relationships today are so stupid. I decided that my scripts will explore relationships like nobody has ever done. There is a little bit of me that believes in true love, but seriously where is that true girl? I sometimes feel like approaching a girl and want to ask her out and the next moment I think, what is it? Is it my lust that is speaking for me or is it my quest for true love speaking. As much as I like to believe the latter, I do not want to say it exists. The only true love in my life, is the love for myself. I rather be egoistic and let my heart fall in love with me than fall in love with another and get hurt.
The patch up with my ex didn’t work. Well, she didn’t give it a chance to work. She is stupid. I only want a friendship but maybe my words of the past are too powerful and it defeated any goodwill she had for me. Did she deserve those harsh words? Maybe so. I am no angel, but I have a heart. If you hurt it, if you break it, I will make sure you face some kind of trouble. As much as I thought I was wrong, I have to now accept that I am right. I have to accept that she is wrong, that she is the most ignorant girl I know. I did my best in being humble, but I have respect for my love that she broke. She taught me one valuable lesson, she didn’t deserve me one little bit.
When we break-up with someone, we feel resentment. I know I did. Christmas and text messages will never be the same! How did I get out of it? Simple. I said the worst things possible to the ex. You know like Kareena Kapoor in Jab We Met. I felt better. But then I realised that I lost the friend in my ex due to that. Now matter, how much good I did do, that one bad thing rules her heart. Well, the bad only rule the hearts of those who are bad. So now I am like good riddance. She has an ego problem and that is what is the difference between me and her.
The best thing about my break-up is the willpower it brought. From the 25th December 2008, I have been determined to go at the top. To be loved by people I don’t know but who love me for my talent. I want to love those people twice as much by doing better work every time. To think that I have a fan following today, no matter how small, it truly is heart-warming and that ex of mine has none of that love. The love that fans give is purely unconditional. They love you and you love them because they love you for who you are. I can assure you that anybody that is very passionate about their work has had a broken heart someway or another. Unfortunately for me, it has been broken many times and now the thirst to succeed is stronger than ever!
Lots of love and God Bless
Rahul N Singh