Post 38 – I don’t need a girlfriend or wife (Part 2)

It looks like ‘Rahulism’ has already created some trouble. That is fine. There is no problem. At the end of the day, I am here to spread compassion, if my message is not understood, then it is my duty to reply back to the questions.

First of all, one must understand the way I write. Now, my writing may be simple, in fact it could be both politically incorrect and grammatically incorrect too. So you can already see the layers in which I write once I have written a single word. But never the less, as you read each word, each sentence, each paragraph and the whole piece of writing, there are layers upon layers.

My writing is simple because I want everyone to understand. I want everyone to see the message on many layers. Depending on your growth as a human being and your awareness is what will determine how you read it. My posts are written with three direct layers (and there are layers within those layers too). The first layer is that you read what I have written and take each word as it is. Second layer – I write everything knowing that people will read in between the lines. Third layer – I write everything knowing my awareness and knowing that other people may have the awareness I possess or maybe a even higher awareness. The third layer is not for everyone. You need to drop everything to understand it.

Now to the problem directly. Someone or some people, I do not know and I do not care. They had told my ex-girlfriend to read this. Then I received a text message from my ex-girlfriend and she was not pleased. Now, I would have seen the offense if I had written ‘She is a stupid bitch and I wish she was fucking dead!’ But I had not said that. So to me I didn’t understand what was the need to be upset and why those people unnecessarily tortured my poor ex-girlfriend’s time and tranquility of mind.

So now I have to dissect everything. The line itself begins with ‘Before with my last ex, I found the problem was with me.’ Now, this is the beginning of the statement. So clearly I am saying that I am the problem and not her. I have made that very clear on all layers. I had already focussed your minds to know that my ex is innocent and I was the problem.

Then it continues, ‘Yes, she left me because she didn’t have the same feelings but now looking at it, she was more honest than I was.’ I stated an honest truth, a truth that not many guys would happily admit. I said that she had left me because she did not possess the same feelings for me. She had lost those feelings for me. And I even then say that she was more honest than I was. That she had reached a higher level than I did. She was more aware than I was. She was honest to herself and to me. While, I was attached to my feelings to her and not attached to my feeling completely.

Then the post continues: ‘I was only attached to her because I began to love myself.’ So this line states that I was attached to her. Also, attachment is wrong when it comes to love. But I go on to say that, the very attachment to her, had created a love for myself. Now, what is wrong in this? In fact, this is showing how much love I had attained while being with her but my fault was my attachment. If I had detached attachment then it would have been different. But I relied on her body, her personality to love myself. Again, a very big thing for a guy to admit, and also it showed how I was wrong because of my reliance on her. But again, I am sure her friends and she did not see it that way. Let me make one thing clear, my ex-girlfriend and you know who you are directly, you had taught me to love to such an extreme that it went beyond the relationship we had. My problem was that I was still attached to the relationship bit. I had forgotten that it was my love that I was sharing with you, not giving but sharing with you. Also, I have always said and this was my revelation after me and my ex were over, that in order to give love to somebody, you must love yourself. It is important to love yourself. The biggest reason for the failure in relationships is that we keep loving the other and forgetting the self. That is what I had done with my ex and that was the problem. Again, I admit that I am at fault there.

Then it goes on: ‘I didn’t need her, I was falling out of love for her and she did me the biggest favour.’ Now this must have been the line that annoyed my ex completely. On many levels it must have hit her. She knows it and I know it. I said that I didn’t need her. What is wrong with this statement? If she chose to leave me, I had become aware that I didn’t need her to love or to live. I didn’t need her because she didn’t need me. If she had needed me, then she would have stayed with me. She would have talked to me about her feelings instead of dumping me straight away. But since she didn’t need my input or my feelings to be given a chance, I have simply stated that I didn’t need her. I didn’t need her body, her personality nor the attachment of the relationship. This supports all of what I have written before. I didn’t need her because I had love within myself. I had found eventually, after many months that I was in love with love not with her. Now, of course, saying this to your ex must hurt her. But that is because she doesn’t have the same awareness. She still does not love herself as I love myself. Then I say that I was falling out of love for her. Now, this is the line that really must have raised some eyebrows. Anyone that knew me during that time, they don’t know me now. I am not the same person. But the Rahul then, during the time I was madly in love with my ex, she knows that I loved her limitlessly. In fact, I would do anything for her. She meant not the world to me, but the universe to me. My ex had not appreciated it completely, if she did then she would have given me a chance to know her feelings. Forget understanding her feelings, I had to know of them first. But it was true, I was falling out of love for her directly and beginning to realise that I was loving myself and sharing that love with her. Then I say that she did me the biggest favour. Tell me, what guy says something as honest as that? That their ex, who left me via a text message on christmas day can turn around and say my ex did me the biggest favour? And in her text yesterday, she had called me an ‘egoist’ tell me where is my ego now? Tell me, if I am saying you did me the biggest favour then where is my ego? You simply never understood my message yesterday. I am literally thanking you. I’m saying that you are the reason that I love myself now, that I am content with myself now, that it was being with you that had made me achieve this feeling I have now. You are the reason behind this awareness I have now and you turn around and call me an egoist? In fact, I’m going to contradict my statement and say I needed you completely to make this transformation.

It is very hard to understand me. In fact, you cannot understand me until I say you understand me. I am too complex, too contradictory to be understood. When that post was on all layers – a massive praise to my ex, it had been taken on a completely different level. Yes, my writing is not complex but simple. It is a shame that there was not an understanding in simplicity.

Stay blessed with compassion

Rahul N Singh


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