This is the problem with relationships. First of all, every human being has some faults, and only the greatest embrace their faults and even if it is told in a cryptic fashion, they will somehow admit it. You think your partner is thinking about you when they are having sex with a stranger, well, it could be anyone, your brother, your sister, your best friend, your boss or even your mother or father. I don’t think they think about the past or the future. They are in the present moment. When your partner is lying to you to hide a fault of theirs, do you think it is for your benefit? The most important aspect to look at it, what if you are that person who is hiding their faults. How can you expect a healthy relationship? Once you lie about your faults, you will need a thousand lies to cover it up or to make your relationship look like an perfect one. That is the biggest deceit of all!
The thing you want the most is control over your partner, you don’t want them to be free-minded, nor do you want them to be their own person. If they were, they would doubt you. However, if you control them, make them believe that you are the ‘ONE’ then they lose their individuality and they repress their common sense or any sense. The fact is as they are controlling you, they are not thinking about you. They don’t care about your individual growth unless it brings something to them – and that has to be a certain commodity. Very rarely have I seen a partner be very proud of their other half’s individuality and growth as a person.
This whole ‘two souls become one’ drama is a joke. How can they become one? Each partner is lying to each other and they pretend that is because they love each other. If you love each other, then be a little honest. If you have sexual feelings for another person, will you tell your partner? No way! It would create chaos. Imagine a partner saying to you, go on and do it with the other person! Then as a human, you will begin to doubt. Why are they allowing me such freedom? They must have done something. It is a game, a game to catch each other out. As you try to catch her out, she is trying to catch you out and as you are hiding something, she is hiding something.
If you cannot be honest nor can you be open with your partner, or even ex-partner, whatever the consequences are, you deserve their reactions to it. You may hate it but then you brought it upon yourself. Be honest, give freedom and trust me by giving freedom, no partner will take you for a ride unless you are expecting them to give you a ride. Hence, no partner is beyond fault, they are full of them. You may see beyond them as you continuously love the early days of romance, but when you see their ugly side then you will cry and say what was I thinking!
And of course you will smile at the thought of them, for now. Live a little longer, know their habits and suddenly you will hate them. Ask anyone in long-term relationships, in marriages, do they honestly love their partners? No. But they are good to have at home. They are dependent on each other. It is the dependence that has stopped the growth of relationships to reach their potential. How long can you continue to wear that scar of a smile on your face? The beginning phase of a relationship is the best because nothing is affecting it. Later on, society will get involved, religion will get involved, family will get involved, friends will get involved and now it is not a relationship of two becoming one, or even of two people but a relationship that is now a massive orgy. You don’t need anyone’s approval but your own individuality’s approval.
A relationship is only a relationship when you can be your own being, your own self and then with your partner, you see the common grounds and you strengthen those, you use those for the bad times. You see the differences in your partner and see their relation to you. Sometimes being with the person who is opposite is a very good thing. That person may push you in ways to become a better individual. They may see things that you cannot see. But the person who is normally the opposite has to be an individual too. If they are, they will push you to achieve your own individuality. They will warn you of the flaws or dangers but they will not control you or restrict you. I only praise those relationships where I see two individuals. Who are living their own lives but together in their growth, on their paths, finding out that their destination in their own individual freedom is the same as the other.
So the statement above can be true but embrace your partners’ individuality and see the beauty that begins to blossom in the relationship.
Rahul N Singh
Ps. For those thinking I had just got a girlfriend…I’m sorry! I prefer to stay single and I love my individual freedom.