Question: Are women treated differently when it comes to relationships and sex?

Answer: I am not sure about every culture but definitely in our asian cultures. We live in a very hypocritical culture. It is fine for a guy to have sex with several girls and it is fine for a guy to be in a relationship but girls are definitely treated differently.

Girls are expected to be ‘virgins’ before marriage and this is something I can’t get my head around. Why do we have such stupid expectations? I think no guy would get married today if they found out that their wife probably had a sex life at university or had a long-term boyfriend who she probably had sex with. However, a guy is never even thought about. I am sure the girl wonders if the guy has had any sexual activity but otherwise, the families, society generally do not give a damn.

Am I against sex before marriage? Definitely not. I should not condemn it at all. However, your question is about women. In terms of relationships, then a girl is not meant to have a boyfriend until later on in her life say like 23 years onwards. Otherwise, the parents and siblings force the woman to remain single, repress her sexual desires and be a good woman so she can be marriage material. Personally, the thought of a virgin girl to marry is scary for me and that is because sex will be a new territory for her. However, even in terms of relationships, she will not be evolved as much and will definitely be one of those girls who would need or want control.

In terms of control, the men are expected to control everything. Now, I can say from experience that giving a woman control is not as great as you think. I gave absolute freedom but as much as women may go on about having no freedom, when it is given they do not know what to do with it. Imagine this situation, your girlfriend asks you if she can have a tattoo. Most conservative guys would say ‘NO’ because girls and tattoos are just not worth it. With me, I would say ‘yes, do what you want! It’s your body.’ Now, the girl will automatically start doubting me because why would I give her freedom? I must be hiding something. I must have done something wrong. When the truth is that I do not give a shit if she even has a tattoo near her private parts. It is none of my business. However, guys giving this much freedom is not normal hence maybe that is why I am still single and that could be a reason why I choose to stay single.

The question I always get when I say girls should do what they want sexually whenever they want, I am met with weird expressions like ‘WTF’ and what would you do if your daughter had sex at 14 years old? My answer is simple. I would fire a question back – ‘If your son had sex at 14 what would you do?’ The reply is ‘I would be proud of him’ or ‘It is bound to happen.’ So my reply is always a simple fact that your son is fucking a girl the same age as him most probably. That is someone else’s daughter but you never thought about that. If it was my daughter, I personally wouldn’t care because I wouldn’t condemn it. If I condemn it then I know she will do it just to be against me. Or she will not do it in fear of me and if she does then she would be living with an overwhelming sense of guilt. I am not going to torture my daughter. I will let her be. Let her do what she wants. She has a mind of her own and she can make her own decisions. I didn’t like it when my parents told me what to do so why should I repeat the same mistake? As usual, when I give that answer I am met with ‘Let’s see when the time comes.’

So ultimately, girls are treated different for no reason. I will not condemn any growth or experience. I certainly will not judge anybody by an act. Even if you think sex is bad then you can’t judge the girl. The girl could be the sweetest, gentle and caring one you will ever find but because you know she has had sex then she must be termed as a ‘slag’ or a ‘slut’. That is disgusting. Judge the act but don’t judge the person. If you don’t like sex then tell her but don’t condemn her.

In terms of freedom in relationships, girls can only look for the answers within themselves. The good guys always end up being sidelined and any decent guy will tell you that. I can tell you that from experience. I have dated some amazing girls but I get overlooked because I am not the ‘typical’. In fact, some don’t even have the courage to even tell me how they feel. But I don’t think they are wrong either because that is one simple act. So the answer is would I give them a second chance? Of course.

I prefer the girls that are individuals and that is the only thing I find attractive about having a relationship with a girl. I like women who can stand up on their two feet, be confident in who they are and most of all, who encourage their own freedom. I blame society for being backwards and conservative but not everyone is. There is a minority that is all for equality in the true sense. However, girls have to make the right choices when it comes to a guy that respects their individuality and freedom.

Love and remain blessed.

Rahul N Singh

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