‘The Master is within You.’
This is possibly one of the best things that my inner being has ever said. The fact is that I wonder all the time whether in each one of us there is the saint and the sinner. Is the saint the person that we strive to be? Is the sinner the one that we enjoy being? Can there be a meeting point between the two? This is where I feel that most of the real Masters have found that the meeting point is the only way to live life. For society to accept you then you need to follow their ways completely. What will their ways bring you? An easy life? This is the catch. Even if you do not break the law, you will still not live a happy life. You will be living a life that really isn’t yours but society. Then really you have not lived life. You have just strolled a long with life. You didn’t shake your own foundations. I couldn’t live like that. Eventually I knew I had to break free. One part of me was living for society and the next was for myself. However, there can never be peaceful co-existence between the two and why should their be? Both need to survive and they cannot survive with each other. Will I remain a sinner if I depart from my responsibilities? Who gave me these responsibilities? I certainly did nothing to get the burden of these responsibilities, like my allegiance to my family. What is all this about? I never had a choice but had to be involved with my family. Is family a hindrance? I don’t know. I can’t say it is but I know it can have an effect because I know I still live in the family. I don’t want to break away from the family but I don’t want the burden or the responsibilities. I can’t do that though. I need to choose. It is this choice that could make me a saint or a sinner. I may become a saint to my family but I will be a sinner to my individuality, to my own self. So there is this constant battle within me and I don’t know where it will take me. I need to make a decision. This is the heart of all spirituality; it is the decision to move forward or not. We cannot blame anyone else for the problems that we face. For the problems, the decisions, the ideas, the thoughts all stem from our own selves. My issues are within me. Why do I continuously avoid the blame? Maybe, this is why I am slightly schizophrenic, I don’t know if I am the master of my own life despite knowing I am the Master. Such is the contradiction that leads us all to follow. We can only follow. The pressure to be your self, knowing it will break a lot of your relationships can make you feel insecure. This insecurity is because we have been conditioned that certain things like family, friends, and love can make us feel secure. All these sources of security is only an idea planted in the mind. People have made sure that I am attached to such things. But why should I be attached? These attachments eat inside my mind; I can feel the leeches sucking the juices in my brain. This is what attachments do. They suck all the individuality out of you. Maybe that is why I have not found out whether I can master my own life because I am still wondering whether I can be an individual. This is the confusion that is taking a giant toll on me. In fact, it depresses me knowing I can’t even control my life. Why in the name of the Formless, am I bounded? Knowing the Boundless hasn’t made me boundless therefore does that mean I do not know the Boundless. Was I lying to myself thinking I am part of this Boundless Entity? This is how it feels. But writing this means that I am full of awareness, so if I am aware of it does this mean the Master within me is very alive? It can be that. The Master is alive within me because awareness needs the Master. As I strive for the individuality then I am sure that this means the Master has been born and now that I was in the stages of evolution. This is what evolution is. Evolution is the battle of survival, only the strong can remain and the weak must diminish. This is the spiritual evolution and no matter, it is something that I am always living for. It is all I live for. For this is the moment of my life that I know that to be a saint that I must be an individual. Now, it is about me and this Universe but I need to have a sort of detachment to everything. This detachment knows of it’s own attachments. Maybe we need attachments to understand why detachment is necessary? This could be a cause of attachments. However, if anything cannot find a way to detach then it has no chances of survival. For if the one thing that you are attached to dies, then you cannot love. Then you were never the master of your life and if you cannot be a master of your own life then life is just a process of continuous sin. I am only cheating myself if I can’t be myself or can’t accept myself.
I have done wrong, I have done good and they both hold equal weight. It is the idiots that hold bad higher over good. Who does such things? If bad is holding a higher influence over good then something is wrong. If someone does a hundred good things that seems to be less than the bad things you do. You may do one bad thing and people remember that for a lifetime. This must mean something about the person who does that. Whoever holds bad in such a high life can never respect what is good. How can you respect good? It is impossible. For good to retain, for good to remain then good must be always the one that gains. It must be the one that wins. Only the strong-hearted keep a hold over good rather than bad. I feel that sometimes that holding onto the bad can sometimes offer some sort of comfort to your ego. If someone has done something bad to me then not forgiving them, not forgetting what they did has a certain advantage to me because it means I am more powerful than they are. I am much better. It is a matter of the ego. Otherwise, who am I to put someone’s bad deeds on a pedestal over the good they have done. That means I am a bad person because I am only what I reflect. If someone does a thousand great deeds then why should they be punished and condemned for the rest of their life? Should I lose everything I have for that person? No. I am the idiot, the bigger idiot if I do that. If I can’t see the value of their goodness then I must ask for forgiveness from that very person. A bad thing is nothing but my perception. If the value of bad is higher than good then can the truth ever come to my life? This is the question that every human should ask. If someone does a bad thing then forget about it. It is a minor mistake over the thousand great things that person probably did for you. You may hold that bad thing as a blessing later because it could be a reflection of that person’s honesty. Therefore, we need to sort out our perceptions of what is bad. What is good is never the issue. We always differ on what is bad. If someone is good then we leave them as they are but everyone is subject to doing something bad. Though one should not hold anything bad on a pedestal but in the trash can! Only good should prevail and then the Master is born.
See now the mind is not split. For good should remain, then the saintliness within me will remain. If bad enters and bad remains then the sinner will remain. Therefore, now the bad will go into the trash and shall forever be deleted from the system of my enlightenment. May the Master within me rise to newfound glory and that the journey will now remain full of bliss and unity with this Formless Consciousness.
Rahul N Singh
(‘Thoughts’ is to be part of a new e-book compilation).