The one thing that I am questioned about as I am now into my late twenties is when are you going to get married? Sometimes you get the curious look if I bat on the other side or I am not interested in marriage at this moment. I see marriage as a great form of relationship but my issues with it are personal and it is the idea of what marriage brings that disturbs me.
One is that you have to be settled. I don’t know what settled means and there is not one married couple I know that are ‘settled’. Either it is a career progression, a mortgage, a child or even infertility; something always keeps them on edge. It always keeps them feeling that somehow the picture is still incomplete.
I have never believed in the idea of being settled, it doesn’t make much sense. In a world where coaches and motivational speakers tell you that life is about adventure and wonder, I do wonder whether marriage fits into that agenda. Being settled is not adventurous at all.
In a world, where a swipe to the right can match you to a great potential, it is still filled with an egotistical sense of acceptance. It is not easy being a guy or a girl, to date and get to know each other on apps like Tinder and Plenty of Fish. Having experimented on them for a few months, I would like to say they are redundant. People will reject you before they have met you. A message can never replace the tone of your voice, your body language and facial expressions. Go mad with your emoticons or emojis but none do justice to the real life nuances.
Where is the dating world going to evolve to? Will the globalisation end up shrinking into an abyss and now you will most likely date someone in your own community? Will it go back to arranged dates made by family or friends? Where is it going to go?
Personally, I haven’t said no to marriage but what are my apprehensions? One is losing the ability and availability of being alone. I love the times I am alone as it allows me to reflect, self analyse and just be with myself. I give a lot of my energy to others as it is right now, but we all need that space. Marriage can provide this space but the partner has to be in tune with this, otherwise it is definitely going to create trouble. Another is meddling in-laws or parents. No matter how great your parents are the reality is that they have made many mistakes and they never tell you what they have learned. Instead, to distract themselves from their issues, they will tell you about what marriage is like. I say take no advise from anyone, just observe. Observing others is the best way to learn. If before your marriage, you find that your potential in-laws are being too overwhelming, you are in for a ride if you do get married. What about my independence? I love the fact I can go where I want, be with who I want and not have the judgment of others peering over my head. I am all for marriage if my wife is able to provide that and I respect that she deserves the same independence that I do.
This great institution is slowly evolving and co-habitation seems to be on the rise. I like this idea. You should live with someone for a few months before you decide on getting married. The reason for this is simply that we are more intolerant and very picky about our wants and needs. We have a way of life and we don’t want that changed. Therefore, living with each other in the beginning is a good test. In Indian culture this is a mad thing to say but it is a must. We need it just as much as any other culture. We have rising divorce rates and still out-dated views about those who have divorced. I can’t see how co-habitation or live-in relationships are wrong, it is the next best thing.
The other issue with marriage today is the commercialisation. Simplicity has been thrown out the roof and now it is about who can have the most lavish wedding, or who has the best food, or who has the best alcohol served. It has become an event that has lost its holy sanctity for some commercial insanity. Each wedding is competing with the other. The best jewellery set, what did your in-laws give you. The dowry tradition may be condemned but it has taken many other forms. I love simplicity. I don’t want the lavishness. I know a girl dreams about her wedding day and I am bound to meet in the middle, however my view is simple. The best marriages are the simple ones – and sadly hardly anyone follows this rule today.
Am I ready for marriage? It is a question that seems to have no right answer.
Is anyone ready?
I don’t know what that means.
I can’t see myself married anytime soon and yet, I have no control over the next moment so anything can happen. Life has its own journey and I am going with the flow with it.
I leave with a famous Quote from Osho:
“I have never heard about any perfect marriage. They say perfect marriages are made in heaven. Nobody comes back from there so maybe it is true, but what kind of marriage will those perfect marriages be?
There will be no tension, there will be no individuality in the man or in the woman. They will never collide, they will never fight. They will be too sweet to each other. And too much sweetness brings diabetes!”