This pain calms down and settles,
You feel that it is still and grounded,
Suddenly you are swept away,
Struggling to think as a wave crashes against you.
Then you realise it is an earthquake
Everything is crumbling down,
A tornado vacuums all your happiness,
And then it all stops.
You would call this a time of disaster
But now nothing is happening,
And this nothing feels like a disaster.
Atleast the activity kept me busy,
Now all I have is myself
And I don’t know where I have gone.
I went out on a journey,
Travelling against land and sea,
Still my Beloved is missing.
I seek for those eyes,
I seek for that smile,
I seek for that embrace,
I feel lost without You,
I am all alone at sea,
No activity not even myself,
Enlightenment without You
Feels like I am all alone.
3 months ago, a world that was full of colour turned dull, a life full of light turned into darkness in just one moment. All that remained was the observer in me – the watcher was untouched by the sadness and grief that struck my mind and my whole world was shattered. I didn’t know where to look, what to feel, what to say, what to do. I was lost in a world that didn’t make sense anymore. That is what happens when you have surrendered everything to someone – to a Spiritual Master.
After surrendering to Baba ji (my Spiritual Master) I didn’t have to think about anything in my life. I knew that it was in safe hands and still is despise His demise. I know that He has made sure my life will be comfortable and He must have given me all the strength to continue until my body decides that it has run its course on this Earth. However, there was certainly a sense of stability and comfort knowing that Baba ji was alive in His form, you felt safe knowing that if you had an issue then you could see Him. It was His approachability that made Him our everything and today, it is that very approachability that myself and others miss and seek.
My life has taken a turn where I am struggling to cope with this loss. It is no normal bereavement. It is one of excruciating pain where even the Observer, the Witness, the God within us understands the soul’s pain in losing the One who gave it so much joy, happiness and celebration. I always have this image of my soul crying, all alone in the universe, searching frantically for Baba ji. It is lost and doesn’t know what to do. I don’t think losing Baba ji is something I wanted so early on in my life.
How can I explain that God had showed me God? How can I explain that it was God that showed me how to be human? How can I explain to others that God had shown me how to become God Himself? And now this very God, the one we all worship regardless of our different paths had now left His mortal form. Can you imagine the pain of a devotee losing Krishna, Buddha, Kabir, Rumi and other Great Spiritual Masters whilst they were alive? You just don’t want to imagine it but today that imagination that I avoided is now my reality.
The only reason I am living is to write His praises, to write about how loving He was and to give the world now and in the future – the story of Rahul and Hardev. It is not that I want to die tomorrow or even right now. I don’t want to die until it is the right time but I can’t stop expressing the pain that I feel and it is not wrong to feel this pain. I have lost my breath and I am suffocating and drowning and I am only beginning to swim again. It feels like I have just been born again and have to start life all over again. This is not easy when you are left without the Beloved. I wonder if I trip or fall, will I be saved? Will someone pick me up?
As this struggling heart continues on the path towards liberation, I know that we have Satguru (Spiritual Master) in a new form and we have to surrender to Mata ji with the same zeal and enthusiasm that we did for Baba ji. It will have its own challenges but we can see through it. It does not mean we will not grieve for Baba ji, the tears will always flow and we will only be telling others about the legend of Hardev – the sweetest, caring and compassionate Guru. In a world spread with turmoil, suffering, hatred, intolerance and jealousy, we will know of a man that defied those values and became an embodiment of peace, love, humility, tolerance, forgiveness and compassion. We lived and walked alongside this legendary being.
His one smile was always something that we all longed for whenever He was going to visit us, wherever that may be in the world, but I know for sure that Mata ji will give us the same loving smile. She did this for me the day after Baba ji’s funeral. It was something that I needed and I also need that right now. I seek the glimpse of the Satguru to give comfort to the pain that my heart feels for my Beloved. As a devotee, I have full trust in Mata ji and all devotees of Baba ji have to support Her vision.
On the note of forgiveness, we all know that Baba ji had left His mortal form in a car accident. That is exactly what it was – an accident. The quicker that we can accept this, the better it will be for our own advancement. I have only seen this as an accident and have placed no blame on anyone. The point is that I knew Baba ji told us to think with a broad mind. We all say that a leaf cannot move without Satguru’s grace but have some of us just said it to meet our own egoic needs? Satguru does all and we cannot become judges of what happened and who should be guilty or not. I find it incredibly inconsiderate to do so. Baba ji only told us to love and forgive and if we cannot do that for our brothers, our family then what tribute can we ever possibly pay to the Satguru who sacrificed His whole life to put a smile on our faces. Those in the car are also grieving like we are. The quicker we forgive and welcome them in our hearts then we can concentrate on our own grieving process with the right mindset and focus.
Our Beloved Baba ji was overflowing with love for us all and we need to be the same. He wasn’t the best human being for His own praise, far from it. He wanted us all to be like Him – hold the same values and become those very spiritual values. We can never let go of the target He set for us, we have to remain focussed. I miss Him loads and I am struggling but the more I am the observer, the more I allow light to enter my dark world. The more I am in the present, the more I feel His love and presence. It is in the connection, focus and merging with the Formless that we see Baba ji again. Every day, I do meet Baba ji and I receive His love, I touch His feet and receive that warm embrace of His. This can be our way, and I need to surrender my struggle to Satguru Mata ji. I will trip and fall but She will pick me up. I will always miss Baba ji and I will still write about it because we are all sharing this grief collectively, but we have to at the same time, side by side, bring the message of Truth everywhere. And the message will always be in our thoughts and actions. Be aware, observe and be.
Thank you for reading. Please like, share and comment.
With Satguru’s love and blessings,
This is a topic that has been regularly talked about recently in discussions that I have been a part of. Some have been for fear with some backing of scriptures and discourses from Masters and likewise for those that believe fear is not necessary for the spiritual journey.
Some say you need to fear God, fear your spiritual Master, fear hell or fear karma. To be fair, I have never really understood fear and how it can increase devotion. It seems to be more based in ego than a mindset based for liberation.
I have a deep reverence for God, for Existence and towards my Spiritual Master. I do not want to make them upset, I do not want to get them angry but these are my projections towards them. I respect them because they are who I am in reality but it is my ego, my fear that stops me from becoming the one that I seek.
Why do we have fear in the spiritual journey? The thing is if we have been living from our ego for so long and that has guided our life. It has tried to protect us from life getting worse but the more we focus on the ego or let the ego run riot – well that is what it causes. A riot of thoughts and repression or disruption. It causes suffering. It takes us away from love, it takes us away from devotion, it takes us away from liberation.
We have been told by Sages that ‘Aham Brahmasmi’, which means ‘I am Brahman’. Brahman is reality and the one supreme Truth. And this is who we truly are. We have come from this One Living Source of all Beings. We are this Being itself. Therefore, if we live in this state, which is God itself then we cannot have fear because we have no ego. God does not have an ego therefore God cannot fear. The whole point of the spiritual process is for your mind and soul to be illuminated in this One Light of Truth. Once the mind and soul know its source then it is liberated and no longer is going to go through the cycle of death and rebirth. It has gone beyond all illusions of itself.
So is fear rational on the spiritual journey? Not really. Does it make sense? Maybe but it depends on where you want to go with this journey.
Fear may cause you to stop and be aware of who you are. To be aware of the presence of this Truth, which is always around you, that surrounds you and that cannot leave you. It may help to an extent but if you are aware and you cultivate the awareness, you become more of the observer and then develop your spirituality with love and kindness then you will automatically be aware and no mistakes or wrongdoings in thought or action will be made. We hear that God is love and love is God so if that is the case, if we approach spirituality, our relationship to our Spiritual Master and God through love then that awareness will automatically lead us to being observers and witnesses at a quicker pace. And once we are aware that we are the witness then all you have to remember is that you are the Presence of God itself. You can swap the word God for nature too. The main point is liberation makes you a human being with human qualities. Otherwise we are just have human bodies.
When love remembers love then can fear have any space? Fear is negative and will only cause downfall. With fear you will eventually detest and despise what you worship. Who befriends something they are threatened by? You can make friends with fear but fear will never be your friend. Therefore, this spiritual journey is for lovers.
Fear cripples growth because it feels there is an unknown. How can a realised being have fear? Does Buddha have fear? Did Kabir have fear? Does your spiritual Master have fear? Did the Sages have any fear? No. Fear belongs to the body and the mind. Fear will only increase the mind’s hold on you. Those that we worship have shown us one thing and that is fear itself has to be abandoned.
The Isha Upanishad states ‘Those who see all creatures in themselves and themselves in all creatures know no fear.’ It is clear. It does not say that they have some fear. It says no fear and that is what happens when you respect and love everything as a manifestation of the Formless Truth and you see the Formless Truth in everything. It is when you are unaware of this that the issue occurs.
If your Spiritual Master says to fear then it isn’t a good sign. The Spiritual Master isn’t wrong but it shows you where you are on the journey. If it is still said to you then it is best to understand that you have not even gone far in the spiritual journey. You have not even established a little bit of awareness in your life.
Cultivate awareness with love and reverence and this journey to spiritual liberation will be full of clarity, wisdom and devotion. Remember everything is a mirror of awareness. What you see is what you are.
Thank you for reading. Please like, comment and share.
Love and blessings
Some of us learn to meditate, we have done it for many years but there always comes a point when we feel that something is blocking any further progress. The thing with meditation, apart from its scientific and medicinal value, it is a spiritual practice that is about reaching a state beyond the body and mind.
I have always used the image of my Guru – Nirankari Baba Hardev Singh ji when I begin the remembrance of the Formless Truth. Remembrance is the next stage after meditation. Meditation clears the mind, remembrance goes beyond the mind. Meditation takes you to the boundless, formless state whilst remembrance allows you to become the boundless, formless state. Remembrance is simply knowing who you are and being who you are. When we seek to know our true nature that is meditation, when we seek and become that becomes remembrance.
The power of remembrance is moving beyond words and entering silence. When you know you are focussing on the Formless, you recognise you are in This and you are blessed. This is the blissful state that is only felt with remembrance. When you become that very thing that is always stable and still – when you remember that this is your nature then stability and stillness is your state whilst in movement.
Meditation comes in waves and you reach peaks and valleys. However, with remembrance you are able to be in this one state of rising above, you are the witness and observer. You are neither moved by pleasure or pain, happiness or sadness, differences of forms, by the nature of thought, by action or inaction.
What I am saying here is not about comparing. If you think this is comparing then it is ego. Many compare the difference and then drop one of them. If you want to enter the state of remembrance, meditation surely does help and can help you get to focus quicker. Use meditation to help you if remembrance is proving to be difficult. Whilst meditation needs to move to remembrance eventually as this is the next stage.
I still sit with my back straight, tilt my head back a little and allow my eyes to focus on the third eye area, sit cross-legged with my palm facing upwards whilst my forearm rests on my knees and this is something I learned during my meditation days. I carry this forward because it reminds me of the sacred space I am about to enter completely. Then I begin to enter the state of remembrance and lose all essence of myself and enter this formless state and be in complete being.
Remembrance is being both in movement – sitting, sleeping, eating, waking, walking, talking etc and at the same state be in the same state of the formless – still, free, boundless, love, compassion, blissful etc. This is the tricky aspect of remembrance. You have to live normally and do all the normal things but be still and blissful like a Sage, a Buddha or your Guru. This is the essence of spirituality that not many can grasp or understand. They cannot balance this because they have not become the formless state. They fear it because somewhere they have fear for something. If you want to enter the Formless and be the Formless then you have to be as mighty as a lion, fearless and determined to be completely free.
In this state of balanced remembrance, you will be able to fully function in your daily activities and be in bliss at the same time. This has to be the goal for anyone seeking enlightenment. There is no two ways about it. This whole process is made easier with the grace of a Master, a Buddha, a Sage. I was lucky enough to have a Master, who gave His kind grace and showed me how to meditate and be in remembrance of His true nature. The Spiritual Master is a mirror and reflects Your true nature and this is the beauty. Unless, we clear our vision so we can see this true reality, we will be stuck in just praising the Master but doing nothing about it. We have to be as the Master wants us to be. The disciple has to end the relationship between the Master and Disciple because their relationship has to go beyond all titles and labels into a state of unconditional love. This has to be the aspiration of the disciple.
The Grace of the Master with practice on remembrance makes the whole process towards enlightenment easier and we need to learn to be this Formless at all times. Settling for anything less isn’t good enough. Go beyond everything so you can be Everything.
Be in remembrance – when you know you are focussing on the Formless, you can observe and witness the Formless and converse with it. Then you recognise you are in this Formless and are protected by this Formless. Finally you are blessed because you are one with this Formless – the bliss and ecstasy you are witnessing and have become is the biggest blessing. And in this process, you may see your Master and seeing the Beloved Master is just another sign that the blessing has begun. And it surely has for me!
Try out being in remembrance and feel and become the presence of That which you seek.
Thank you for reading. Please like, share and comment.
Anyone who is part of a whatsapp group or a few can know that it not only drains your battery on your phone but it also distracts you from near about anything and everything.
This morning I was writing away and I came to a realisation.
What type of realisation?
I did not want to be part an active participant of whatsapp groups. Some of the groups which have only a few friends in are ones that are exempt from what I will be discussing. I am on about the big groups within large social circles. Being part of a spiritual organisation that is built like a family, we all discuss spiritual ideas, concepts, beliefs and experiences and this has led to a few interesting large whatsapp groups being created. Recently, I have been actively discussing my views, opinions and experiences and although it is enjoyable on the most part, it can be extremely exhausting and questionable at very same time.
It has been on my mind to leave these groups for quite a while and I don’t know if I am the only one. I did reflect on how I felt during the discussions and interactions and I didn’t feel they were enhancing my spirituality, I was spending a lot of time on these groups when I could be more productive with writing and focusing on my inner journey.
The whole point of the groups I understand is to welcome diverse opinions and views and although it does reflect this, I do feel that it has become a matter of who says the last thing wins rather than let’s evaluate what the other person has said and make an informed point of reason. Some people are unfortunately bigoted and think they are ‘holier than thou’ and this can be equally frustrating as you know the real picture behind those words. You know you cannot bring the horse to the river.
This is why I have decided with a few groups that I will be blending into silence during the remainder of this year and will eventually leave. It is time to focus on myself and it is a selfish move but a necessary one. However, I am available on every other platform and can be spoken to on an individual level.
The whole point of this is because I do not want to be part of the noise. I want to be spreading harmony rather than shouting over one another on the whatsapp waves.
I like difference of opinion, I enjoy diversity but it seems to be that nothing gets resolved if we always agree to disagree. There is far more strength in staying quiet and letting people talk to you if they want your views.
This is not surprising for people who know me. They knew this was bound to happen. Exclusivity is very essential in a day and age when everything is at your finger tips. I had raised my concerns on a number of occasions and have been asked to stay. This is the time when I have to make the leaving process easy and it has to be an transition so less effect is felt. Maybe nothing will be felt and nobody cares – which makes this easier for me.
I know this has some negative aspects in terms of the silly ideas will probably go unquestioned but I believe that whoever has the Truth will definitely voice their concerns about it. It is time for me to take a step back and let others come forward. I have a responsibility to myself and to others to keep myself fully aware spiritually and reach the goal I want to.
After Baba ji, my Spiritual Guide, had left His body, I have tried to be as approachable as possible. However, this has come at a great cost to my own mind and journey. I want to remain as approachable but in a different way and I want my views expressed through blogging and instagram posts.
I am not leaving because of anyone or something in particular. This is purely personal and I hope it is understood and embraced. It will be challenging for me too but when you are misunderstood, you have to look at ways you can be understood and this implies things have to change.
I have to change and for now, the sabbatical begins and my return to them remains unknown.
In the early morning of Friday 13th May 2016, at 6:00am in the morning, I was informed of some news that will break my world into pieces. Upon hearing about the death of my Spiritual Master, my Satguru Baba Hardev Singh ji, my world turned upside down and this incredible void, this vast void filled my world that once was full of positivity and meaning.
I know all about the theory of death and what happens, I know the theories of the soul and everything else but what I was not ready for was the death of such a loving, humble, caring and sweet human being so suddenly. Lovingly referred to as Baba ji, was a spiritual giant, ahead of His times and one who had a clear vision about what He wanted to see in the world.
I have been sitting up at night, wondering during the day of how to expose and get over this grief effectively. How can I recover from the pain that this death has caused me? I know that the only way is to write and therefore, I am putting all my writing projects on hold and will work tirelessly on a new project. This will be about my journey as I go through this grieving process. Here in this moment, theories are put aside and I want to let out the pure human emotions and explore this.
I don’t know when this book will release or what it will entail but it will be my gift to His message. The death of Baba ji is not about the body going, it is about the message that He gave that was unheard. We thought we heard sounds through a microphone but really we had muted His words so we can live as we wanted to live. We were happy with causing pain to others, playing politics, having our own agendas and we felt that just because we said He was our Guru, it meant that we accepted His message.
I feel this void right now, I am struggling to connect spiritually and I feel absolutely lost. But this is what Baba ji told me to always do, be creative. There must be something in this and I will write to my heart’s content to revive those feelings again that made me love life so much, that love that filled my life with bliss and joy. Bliss and joy is still there but it seems my mind doesn’t want to accept it. My mind is grieving a personal loss through an extreme tragedy. He shouldn’t have taken Himself away from us like this but how can I question and even scold the amazing man, who did His best and more than His best to awaken us all out of slumber.
This was only a post to announce this new project and I pray to this Formless Nirankar that I may channel all my pain and grief into inspiration and hope. May this book also help others who have lost a Guru, it doesn’t matter which Guru you have, losing a Guru is something we can relate too and this relating will bring about spiritual harmony.
The one thing I want to add is that I am happy that Baba ji gave us a successor to this Mission. Her Holiness Satguru Mata ji is now the one that holds the key to the Divine Wisdom (Brahm Gyan) that gives enlightenment to any seeker. My salutations at Her holy feet and may I serve Her just like I served Baba ji and also exceed that too.
Dreams are a fleeting shadow, that stays in the back of our reality and we feel content with the way things are.
I want to do a shoutout to a Visionary, an extremely talented poet and it is worth watching this video to your heart’s content. Prince Ea joins forces with Neste with this poem titled ‘Everybody dies, but not everybody lives’ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ManC7UO0HeY and let me know what you think about it.
For the past few months, I have been contemplating my place as a writer. A writer that loves to explore aspects of life that not many want to reach and like to reach. To access parts of my mind that I never explored because I was not focussed enough or dedicated enough to discover. When you are in a 9 to 5 job it is hard to think out of the box and then videos like the above appear and you are like ‘WOW’ and you know that this box is breaking and it is breaking everyday. It is getting ready to shatter and my spirit can grow and expand in this vastness known as art. Then I am dragged down to the Earth even though I hadn’t even started flying and my mind tells me that someone has to pay the bills, you are starting a family of your own and all of life’s pressures start crushing those ambitions. The thing is bills, family and anything else do not crush the ambitions, it is just they are easy excuses to support lack of action.
My journey as a writer has started when I was 19 years old and the decade is approaching. Yes, I feel I have developed and found my own voice. I feel that something great is happening in my life as I share more. I want others to know that they are the reason behind everything I write because sharing isn’t great if it is just for yourself. Sharing means that every single thing I write, I am giving a little bit of myself away to you. I want that energy to be with you when you feel down, or you have some sort of creative block or things just aren’t going the way you want it to. That is life and that will happen and you just got to know that it is okay. There is light at the end of the tunnel and it isn’t a train that will run you over, it is the light of your inspired heart that awakens once it knows that you are here in this moment. Your soul is shining and it wants to express the beauty of life. That is what it feels like for me every morning.
In the past 9 years, I have been a believer in God to a non-believer and then a knower, believer and becoming this One energy that people call with many names. You see, that is my evolution and all of those beliefs, no matter how limiting, were right because it is helping me now and what I am right now will be right as I continuously evolve and evolve. This is my choice and that is the beauty of choice in itself. You can pick what will give you a heart and you will be compassionate. You will be focussed yet your vision is expansive. This is the hallmark of a real visionary. You have one message and only one message, yet you will find diverse ways to express it. The choices we make, the decisions we make will shape what we want and we can choose what shape that will be. Either we can shape it with sharp edges so it hurts others or we can give it the shape of hills, things will go up and down but our support will be constant. However, one thing that I always feel is that sometimes if you do not support something, do not be afraid not to. Think of your own humanity and go with that flow because what may look wrong to others right now may be the right thing in the long run. Stick with your gut feeling and it will take you places. Risks aren’t meant to make you feel safe, they are meant to bring you to adventurous and wondrous places. Explore the risks and remember the cause to create a better humanity is the call of the human spirit.
This video has inspired this post and I want others to feel inspired to action too. I have a long way to go as a writer and I want to thank you all for being there for me even when the going was tough.
His love and blessings,