Jealousy has no place in any relationship

It is interesting at how you, the individual, is at the center of the world and then you are married/long-term relationship and the center grows, you have children and the center grows more.  Eventually, you realize that you are there to serve the others to support the center. However, what happens when jealousy and self-centered behavior creeps in? What happens to those relationships?

Jealousy is damaging in any relationship and sometimes we do not even realize how childish we can be when we moan about what other people are doing and why aren’t we given the same respect or why aren’t we invited to the same party etc. The resentment that grows ends up affecting our relationships and no matter how one may act in front of the person they are jealous of, the subtle energy of intention will always creep in, and the vibe is always felt.

When we are in a relationship, we do retain some individuality and that is healthy. We cannot be at the complete beck and call of the other. However, if we are so stubborn that we think the other person, our partner must do what we say and must act upon what we want them to do then that relationship will not last. It will decay and when resentment is felt once then it’s hard to get rid of them. Sometimes, the remarks we make about our relationships hint upon the resentment that is felt deep within. No matter, what someone may say on the surface, the words mention normally have an iota of truth.

Sometimes I joke around and my wife does get a little upset because my comments may portray a feeling that I have not expressed to her. She is damn right to be upset and I may try to pacify her with that it’s a joke but she knows jokes very well, especially mine. My jokes always have a deeper meaning to them. I have slowly learned that I have to express to my wife my feelings and it is hard for an introvert like me but I have got much better. If I need to address something then I will try and solve it that night but it’s always my wife that looks to resolve things before I do.

I truly look up to my wife because of the way she views things and even if I don’t agree with her (which I express), we always leave things on a positive note. The most important thing for me is to never make the relationship about me but about us and it’s easy to make it about me – my feelings, my intentions, my wants and needs, my desires and really things flow much more smoothly when I change the ‘my’ to ‘our’.

Even if our wants, desires and so on need to merge together, sometimes they simply will not and that is okay. It means for the sake of our relationship, it isn’t necessary. Frankly, the relationship comes first because our happiness is tied to it, yet free from it too.

Not everyone has to be spiritual

Is spirituality for everyone? It may be available to everyone but it is not necessary that everyone will be spiritual.

When someone has found something spectacular in their spiritual journey, when they have walked a path, which has benefited them, we wish to share that with everyone we know, like we do with the latest phone we have. We tell our close friends and our family about it. Likewise, this may be the case if a member of your family or close friends come across a spiritual path that benefitted them, they feel it may benefit you too.

In some cases, you are born into following a particular path and you do as your parents tell you. You reach 16 years and want to make your own choice and you may even choose to follow a different spiritual path. Is that wrong? No. You may choose to drop being spiritual. Is that wrong? No. Even though there are benefits to being spiritual, it is not carved for everyone.

I feel it is better to be honest and the quicker you realize whether spirituality is for you or not, the better. However, I do give a warning that you shouldn’t ‘throw out the baby with the bath water’ so soon. First ensure, that you go to someone that is spiritual in your view and ask them questions. Ask them about their journey and how they have benefited them. What did they gain? Or even what did they lose? The important matter is that we should ask before we choose that being spiritual is not right for us.

Personally, I feel that the very people that guide us down a spiritual path need to be exemplary and there should be as little hypocrisy as possible. The issue we may find that there are contradictions in all aspects of spirituality and therefore we need to mark someone based on their actions, their reactions more than their words.

Many people I know who have turned away from spirituality have done so because their parents or older siblings were not the best example of the spiritual ideals. They claim things which don’t go hand in hand with their behavior. Even worse, in this of rationality and logic, a simple answer isn’t provided or the humility to accept that one doesn’t know.

I do believe that one has to carve their own path and I have certainly done that with my life. I have made choices that are different to my parents and people would regard me as quite a spiritual person. I am a very rational person and so if something doesn’t go along with science then I come up with reasons why I don’t agree with it. However, I think spirituality is something that is invoked within you, it has always been there and it wants to reach its peak of spiritual enlightenment. You have to be natural in it, you have to be in the flow of it. It has to be born from within you and not something you simply cook up.

I will end it here and that is if you have a child that doesn’t believe in your spiritual path, it may say more about where you truly are in spirituality and how important you do find it. Just because one may meditate a lot or go to places of worship a lot, that doesn’t mean that one’s behavior has changed? It doesn’t mean that one has attained bliss and joy. If all that anyone sees of you is misery and anger, then being spiritual loses all of it’s credibility.

Post 31 – Blessed Mother

Going back to the time when I was a little baby,

The past always looks colourful and not shady.

Everything I visualise around me is amazing,

A world without limitations will have everything.

 

I have freedom in my blessed mother’s arm,

Her smile is the only thing that makes me calm.

Strangers I have to meet and I sense their aura,

I see angels whom I love or demons that I fear.

 

When I cry it’s because I need your attention,

All I need is to hear a short story of fiction.

I’m never told to grow up while watching cartoons,

Everyone wants me to grow up but it’s too soon.

 

Suddenly my free mind is being freakily conditioned,

Taught subliminally that my life has no mission.

One day I became one with life’s true philosophy,

Ditching my mind to be one with my soul, and this has set me free.

 

(This is a poem that is featured in ‘Questions of my Soul‘)

Rahul N Singh