The one thing about being a writer is that even if you have moved on from something, you will be dragged back into that headspace. You always have to give an experience to the reader or the listener and to do this you have to give them the emotions that you had during the time.
As I look to start writing my poetry book based on my memories, experiences with Baba ji, my Beloved Spiritual Master, I know I have to go back in time and feel the exact pain that I felt then and still deal with the feelings I have now. This is the way I write my poetry and therefore, it is not necessarily that what I write is about how I feel right now but it can be about a feeling I had 5 years ago or 5 days ago.
This is going to be tough and it will get tougher while I write what I feel and how I felt, how emotional each experience, memory holds and it is in this space that I have to gather spiritual stability, to maintain that witness within me and let everything flow naturally.
We all face challenges and this book is one of them. I decided today that this book will be the last book of the trilogy, of which two books have been released already. It marks the end of the Master-Disciple relationship of Rahul and Hardev. Baba ji will always be my Beloved and it is Him that I seek all wisdom from. I want to see Him in everything and find that all ways are His beautiful ways.
Each day is tough in dealing with this loss and it never gets easy. What helps is the love and care that you get at home. I let out a lot of what I feel through writing and being in the present moment but what is experienced will always be empty and silent eventually. This emptiness will have His fullness and this silence will have His harmony. At the moment, I may be getting signs of it but He never lets any of His disciples down. All I have to do is be in synchronicity with Him.
My tears have been flowing as I remember how much He gave to me and what He gave can never be repaid for several more lifetimes but I have to repay it in this lifetime. This means I have to work several times harder to reach the goal that He gave us – which was to be enlightened, divine beings.
I will start writing tonight and all I wish for is that you all give me your good wishes and blessings.
Satguru’s love and blessings
Sometimes I sit alone, this can be when I am in a crowded place too with people I know and I am conversing with them. Imagine that?! Feeling alone is the best feeling ever. When you see yourself disconnected from everything yet so connected that even nuances and subtleties are observed.
Sometimes sitting down alone, actually alone with just me is the greatest form of liberation. Why? I don’t like giving attention to those things that do not need it. I am not over-sensitive to the way people react to me aslong as I remember that it is not ‘me’ who they are speaking to but simply a projection of their own brilliant imagination. This all changes when you see Reality as it is, it becomes second nature to know that the projection is hiding the real face. This is what Truth brings to you. It gives you Reality. It gives you what feels and is experienced as Real.
Sensitivity is a must but not at the expense of your own emotions or taking offence to tiny matters. Being sensitive to life is very different to being sensitive to the whole drama that we seem to believe is life. Being sensitive to life means that you are in totality with it, you enjoy every bit of life. Every information is decoded into the Reality that is to be seen and you feel that connection to the One that created it all. However, being sensitive to drama simply means that a situation occurs and you make it a massive deal. Instead of trying to understand, you fall straight into the emotional turbulence and you are rocking to and fro creating havoc not only in your mind but definitely in others.
If you realised that you are responsible for how you feel. If you can accept that everything you feel is because of you then you will enforce a transformation. But who is willing to take this responsibility? Who really wants to take the blame for the idiocy and stupidity? It has to be a stroke of madness added with a sprinkle of genius to say ‘I am responsible for how I feel and for what thoughts I allow to run wild in my mind.’ When you accept this then transformation is waiting for you. Not mere change. Change is temporary and transformation is permanent. If you want the solution to be everlasting then choose transformation. But if you love putting unnecessary drama in your life and in the life of others then choose change because that way your idiocy and stupidity can be hidden very well.
We all have a choice and I must say that when I took responsibility for what I felt – solutions appeared without me having to do any background work. It is easier to accept that one was wrong. It is not a moment to feel guilty. Again, feeling guilty is just another way of attention seeking! Move on. Once you accept that you are in charge then that will be the last time you will ever recognise ‘you’ as the personality. You will become something larger than life and that is really what life is all about.
His Love and Blessings
Question: I don’t like being single. Girls are not giving me a chance. What do I do?
Answer: Turn bisexual and see if you have the same fate with men too? Jokes aside (you can take it seriously if you want), why do you dislike being single? Is there any problem with being alone? In my opinion, single life is the best way. There are no commitments, no rules, no boundaries and that is a life of freedom. I understand that you may feel lonely and sometimes you want someone to love you. But before you think about others loving you do you love your self? I am not going to go against girls and say they do not give you a chance. Maybe you do not deserve a chance. Maybe they don’t deserve you. Why get so caught up in this situation? You need to do nothing. Just live your life and you will find a girl come to you. If she doesn’t come then atleast you are still living life. If you are worried about sex, then have one night stands or find other alternative to release yourself but don’t go on condemning females because a few girls do not like you.
Maybe some girls do like you but you have expectations and every girl you meet will not meet your expectations. Your expectations are silly and full of crap that possibly the media has put into you. There are not just guys like you who are saying girls are not giving you a chance then there are girls saying them same thing about guys just like you. It works both ways. We have the choice in everything. You will find people desperate to be in a relationship so go after them. You will find people desperate to be single so that means you leave them alone. The fact is there is no answer to anything in life. You just have to live it. Be happy with yourself and be content with whatever life brings. You are open to change it. Everything is in your hands but first free your mind. Forget about all the barriers that others have put in your head. You are the key, the password and the passport to your life. Live it. Don’t be so torn apart by the fact that girls are not liking you at the moment. Work hard at your job, be at peace in your mind and women will come to you in their own time. There is no need for any worries. By keeping hope for a future with a girl is going to be useless. Go out and chat with girls. I know people are uptight today and that most girls will think you are after one thing but they think it, they believe it but they do not know it. You have to prove their belief wrong and get them to know you. Remember don’t be a stalker but be persistent, be polite and not an animal. If a girl rejects you then remember she isn’t rejecting you as a person. There is nothing wrong with you. Her few moments of meeting you does not define your whole experience of life. Remember that.
So my best and only advise is: Live!
Love and blessings,
Rahul N Singh