The one thing about being a writer is that even if you have moved on from something, you will be dragged back into that headspace. You always have to give an experience to the reader or the listener and to do this you have to give them the emotions that you had during the time.
As I look to start writing my poetry book based on my memories, experiences with Baba ji, my Beloved Spiritual Master, I know I have to go back in time and feel the exact pain that I felt then and still deal with the feelings I have now. This is the way I write my poetry and therefore, it is not necessarily that what I write is about how I feel right now but it can be about a feeling I had 5 years ago or 5 days ago.
This is going to be tough and it will get tougher while I write what I feel and how I felt, how emotional each experience, memory holds and it is in this space that I have to gather spiritual stability, to maintain that witness within me and let everything flow naturally.
We all face challenges and this book is one of them. I decided today that this book will be the last book of the trilogy, of which two books have been released already. It marks the end of the Master-Disciple relationship of Rahul and Hardev. Baba ji will always be my Beloved and it is Him that I seek all wisdom from. I want to see Him in everything and find that all ways are His beautiful ways.
Each day is tough in dealing with this loss and it never gets easy. What helps is the love and care that you get at home. I let out a lot of what I feel through writing and being in the present moment but what is experienced will always be empty and silent eventually. This emptiness will have His fullness and this silence will have His harmony. At the moment, I may be getting signs of it but He never lets any of His disciples down. All I have to do is be in synchronicity with Him.
My tears have been flowing as I remember how much He gave to me and what He gave can never be repaid for several more lifetimes but I have to repay it in this lifetime. This means I have to work several times harder to reach the goal that He gave us – which was to be enlightened, divine beings.
I will start writing tonight and all I wish for is that you all give me your good wishes and blessings.
Satguru’s love and blessings
3 months ago, a world that was full of colour turned dull, a life full of light turned into darkness in just one moment. All that remained was the observer in me – the watcher was untouched by the sadness and grief that struck my mind and my whole world was shattered. I didn’t know where to look, what to feel, what to say, what to do. I was lost in a world that didn’t make sense anymore. That is what happens when you have surrendered everything to someone – to a Spiritual Master.
After surrendering to Baba ji (my Spiritual Master) I didn’t have to think about anything in my life. I knew that it was in safe hands and still is despise His demise. I know that He has made sure my life will be comfortable and He must have given me all the strength to continue until my body decides that it has run its course on this Earth. However, there was certainly a sense of stability and comfort knowing that Baba ji was alive in His form, you felt safe knowing that if you had an issue then you could see Him. It was His approachability that made Him our everything and today, it is that very approachability that myself and others miss and seek.
My life has taken a turn where I am struggling to cope with this loss. It is no normal bereavement. It is one of excruciating pain where even the Observer, the Witness, the God within us understands the soul’s pain in losing the One who gave it so much joy, happiness and celebration. I always have this image of my soul crying, all alone in the universe, searching frantically for Baba ji. It is lost and doesn’t know what to do. I don’t think losing Baba ji is something I wanted so early on in my life.
How can I explain that God had showed me God? How can I explain that it was God that showed me how to be human? How can I explain to others that God had shown me how to become God Himself? And now this very God, the one we all worship regardless of our different paths had now left His mortal form. Can you imagine the pain of a devotee losing Krishna, Buddha, Kabir, Rumi and other Great Spiritual Masters whilst they were alive? You just don’t want to imagine it but today that imagination that I avoided is now my reality.
The only reason I am living is to write His praises, to write about how loving He was and to give the world now and in the future – the story of Rahul and Hardev. It is not that I want to die tomorrow or even right now. I don’t want to die until it is the right time but I can’t stop expressing the pain that I feel and it is not wrong to feel this pain. I have lost my breath and I am suffocating and drowning and I am only beginning to swim again. It feels like I have just been born again and have to start life all over again. This is not easy when you are left without the Beloved. I wonder if I trip or fall, will I be saved? Will someone pick me up?
As this struggling heart continues on the path towards liberation, I know that we have Satguru (Spiritual Master) in a new form and we have to surrender to Mata ji with the same zeal and enthusiasm that we did for Baba ji. It will have its own challenges but we can see through it. It does not mean we will not grieve for Baba ji, the tears will always flow and we will only be telling others about the legend of Hardev – the sweetest, caring and compassionate Guru. In a world spread with turmoil, suffering, hatred, intolerance and jealousy, we will know of a man that defied those values and became an embodiment of peace, love, humility, tolerance, forgiveness and compassion. We lived and walked alongside this legendary being.
His one smile was always something that we all longed for whenever He was going to visit us, wherever that may be in the world, but I know for sure that Mata ji will give us the same loving smile. She did this for me the day after Baba ji’s funeral. It was something that I needed and I also need that right now. I seek the glimpse of the Satguru to give comfort to the pain that my heart feels for my Beloved. As a devotee, I have full trust in Mata ji and all devotees of Baba ji have to support Her vision.
On the note of forgiveness, we all know that Baba ji had left His mortal form in a car accident. That is exactly what it was – an accident. The quicker that we can accept this, the better it will be for our own advancement. I have only seen this as an accident and have placed no blame on anyone. The point is that I knew Baba ji told us to think with a broad mind. We all say that a leaf cannot move without Satguru’s grace but have some of us just said it to meet our own egoic needs? Satguru does all and we cannot become judges of what happened and who should be guilty or not. I find it incredibly inconsiderate to do so. Baba ji only told us to love and forgive and if we cannot do that for our brothers, our family then what tribute can we ever possibly pay to the Satguru who sacrificed His whole life to put a smile on our faces. Those in the car are also grieving like we are. The quicker we forgive and welcome them in our hearts then we can concentrate on our own grieving process with the right mindset and focus.
Our Beloved Baba ji was overflowing with love for us all and we need to be the same. He wasn’t the best human being for His own praise, far from it. He wanted us all to be like Him – hold the same values and become those very spiritual values. We can never let go of the target He set for us, we have to remain focussed. I miss Him loads and I am struggling but the more I am the observer, the more I allow light to enter my dark world. The more I am in the present, the more I feel His love and presence. It is in the connection, focus and merging with the Formless that we see Baba ji again. Every day, I do meet Baba ji and I receive His love, I touch His feet and receive that warm embrace of His. This can be our way, and I need to surrender my struggle to Satguru Mata ji. I will trip and fall but She will pick me up. I will always miss Baba ji and I will still write about it because we are all sharing this grief collectively, but we have to at the same time, side by side, bring the message of Truth everywhere. And the message will always be in our thoughts and actions. Be aware, observe and be.
Thank you for reading. Please like, share and comment.
With Satguru’s love and blessings,
Some of us learn to meditate, we have done it for many years but there always comes a point when we feel that something is blocking any further progress. The thing with meditation, apart from its scientific and medicinal value, it is a spiritual practice that is about reaching a state beyond the body and mind.
I have always used the image of my Guru – Nirankari Baba Hardev Singh ji when I begin the remembrance of the Formless Truth. Remembrance is the next stage after meditation. Meditation clears the mind, remembrance goes beyond the mind. Meditation takes you to the boundless, formless state whilst remembrance allows you to become the boundless, formless state. Remembrance is simply knowing who you are and being who you are. When we seek to know our true nature that is meditation, when we seek and become that becomes remembrance.
The power of remembrance is moving beyond words and entering silence. When you know you are focussing on the Formless, you recognise you are in This and you are blessed. This is the blissful state that is only felt with remembrance. When you become that very thing that is always stable and still – when you remember that this is your nature then stability and stillness is your state whilst in movement.
Meditation comes in waves and you reach peaks and valleys. However, with remembrance you are able to be in this one state of rising above, you are the witness and observer. You are neither moved by pleasure or pain, happiness or sadness, differences of forms, by the nature of thought, by action or inaction.
What I am saying here is not about comparing. If you think this is comparing then it is ego. Many compare the difference and then drop one of them. If you want to enter the state of remembrance, meditation surely does help and can help you get to focus quicker. Use meditation to help you if remembrance is proving to be difficult. Whilst meditation needs to move to remembrance eventually as this is the next stage.
I still sit with my back straight, tilt my head back a little and allow my eyes to focus on the third eye area, sit cross-legged with my palm facing upwards whilst my forearm rests on my knees and this is something I learned during my meditation days. I carry this forward because it reminds me of the sacred space I am about to enter completely. Then I begin to enter the state of remembrance and lose all essence of myself and enter this formless state and be in complete being.
Remembrance is being both in movement – sitting, sleeping, eating, waking, walking, talking etc and at the same state be in the same state of the formless – still, free, boundless, love, compassion, blissful etc. This is the tricky aspect of remembrance. You have to live normally and do all the normal things but be still and blissful like a Sage, a Buddha or your Guru. This is the essence of spirituality that not many can grasp or understand. They cannot balance this because they have not become the formless state. They fear it because somewhere they have fear for something. If you want to enter the Formless and be the Formless then you have to be as mighty as a lion, fearless and determined to be completely free.
In this state of balanced remembrance, you will be able to fully function in your daily activities and be in bliss at the same time. This has to be the goal for anyone seeking enlightenment. There is no two ways about it. This whole process is made easier with the grace of a Master, a Buddha, a Sage. I was lucky enough to have a Master, who gave His kind grace and showed me how to meditate and be in remembrance of His true nature. The Spiritual Master is a mirror and reflects Your true nature and this is the beauty. Unless, we clear our vision so we can see this true reality, we will be stuck in just praising the Master but doing nothing about it. We have to be as the Master wants us to be. The disciple has to end the relationship between the Master and Disciple because their relationship has to go beyond all titles and labels into a state of unconditional love. This has to be the aspiration of the disciple.
The Grace of the Master with practice on remembrance makes the whole process towards enlightenment easier and we need to learn to be this Formless at all times. Settling for anything less isn’t good enough. Go beyond everything so you can be Everything.
Be in remembrance – when you know you are focussing on the Formless, you can observe and witness the Formless and converse with it. Then you recognise you are in this Formless and are protected by this Formless. Finally you are blessed because you are one with this Formless – the bliss and ecstasy you are witnessing and have become is the biggest blessing. And in this process, you may see your Master and seeing the Beloved Master is just another sign that the blessing has begun. And it surely has for me!
Try out being in remembrance and feel and become the presence of That which you seek.
Thank you for reading. Please like, share and comment.
In the early morning of Friday 13th May 2016, at 6:00am in the morning, I was informed of some news that will break my world into pieces. Upon hearing about the death of my Spiritual Master, my Satguru Baba Hardev Singh ji, my world turned upside down and this incredible void, this vast void filled my world that once was full of positivity and meaning.
I know all about the theory of death and what happens, I know the theories of the soul and everything else but what I was not ready for was the death of such a loving, humble, caring and sweet human being so suddenly. Lovingly referred to as Baba ji, was a spiritual giant, ahead of His times and one who had a clear vision about what He wanted to see in the world.
I have been sitting up at night, wondering during the day of how to expose and get over this grief effectively. How can I recover from the pain that this death has caused me? I know that the only way is to write and therefore, I am putting all my writing projects on hold and will work tirelessly on a new project. This will be about my journey as I go through this grieving process. Here in this moment, theories are put aside and I want to let out the pure human emotions and explore this.
I don’t know when this book will release or what it will entail but it will be my gift to His message. The death of Baba ji is not about the body going, it is about the message that He gave that was unheard. We thought we heard sounds through a microphone but really we had muted His words so we can live as we wanted to live. We were happy with causing pain to others, playing politics, having our own agendas and we felt that just because we said He was our Guru, it meant that we accepted His message.
I feel this void right now, I am struggling to connect spiritually and I feel absolutely lost. But this is what Baba ji told me to always do, be creative. There must be something in this and I will write to my heart’s content to revive those feelings again that made me love life so much, that love that filled my life with bliss and joy. Bliss and joy is still there but it seems my mind doesn’t want to accept it. My mind is grieving a personal loss through an extreme tragedy. He shouldn’t have taken Himself away from us like this but how can I question and even scold the amazing man, who did His best and more than His best to awaken us all out of slumber.
This was only a post to announce this new project and I pray to this Formless Nirankar that I may channel all my pain and grief into inspiration and hope. May this book also help others who have lost a Guru, it doesn’t matter which Guru you have, losing a Guru is something we can relate too and this relating will bring about spiritual harmony.
The one thing I want to add is that I am happy that Baba ji gave us a successor to this Mission. Her Holiness Satguru Mata ji is now the one that holds the key to the Divine Wisdom (Brahm Gyan) that gives enlightenment to any seeker. My salutations at Her holy feet and may I serve Her just like I served Baba ji and also exceed that too.
The whole journey of being enlightened is something that we like to postpone. Let us get a good job first, let the children grow up, let me retire and then I can look at enlightenment. However, if we look at what the Sages said, the message is simple and that is that only this moment matters. Who knows when our life will end?
Why should I strive for enlightenment?
The need for enlightenment is a personal step one should take. It is up to me, up to you if you want to reach the highest state of being a human. Enlightenment has always been the next step for evolution. If we are to evolve then enlightenment is said to be the answer. It may be that we are cynical and we can say that it is all words but not a reality, however, the question is have we even attempted to go towards enlightenment before we just sweep it under the carpet? Have we even taken a single step towards knowing the Truth? The choice is ours to test it and experiment with it to reach a result and conclusion.
Enlightenment is exciting
The one single factor that makes enlightenment exciting and worth pursuing are that you get to see the whole world, the whole universe as One. In a world where people want to divide us in the name of religion, nationality, colour of our skin, our caste or class within society, the hierarchy in the workplace etc. isn’t it better to strive and see everyone and everything with the same non-discriminatory approach? It makes perfect sense to my mind. The mind that has itself created all these concepts, ideas and divisions would want to end its current paradigm for a vast , indefinable and formless paradigm. When labels were meant for recognition, we have instead taken a darker turn and it has taken the form of definitions . Once we have started to define them and keep them in a box then that is all we can think of – the box. It is like a frog in a well, the little he sees of the sky is what he perceives to be the whole universe. Until the water rises to the top and he is able to leave the well can he discover that there are infinite life-forms and therefore his vision is expanded. This is the true aim of having enlightened-thinking.
Fragility of life and time
Life is fragile and it can escape from our hands just like we hold sand in our hands, we watch it slide through with great ease. Life will leave this body with great ease but what remains is our soul. Some may believe or not believe in a soul and again it is just another word to recognise that awareness that has been the same throughout our life, that has watched us grow up yet has remained untouched by all the changes. I call that witness the soul. It is a subtle energy and it is part of the greater formless expanse. Once we know our soul and we realise we are not just this body and mind then we attain a unity with this Formless Energy. We only have this moment to realise it. No doctor will guarantee that you will live tomorrow. Nobody can say this for certain so it is best that the most important task as the Sages say must be done now. Once, we have attained this oneness with God or the Formless then we see the whole universe as our own.
Going beyond Darkness and Light
Enlightenment is all about leaving the darkness and entering into the Light. This does not mean that darkness will not exist. It will and that will be the battle between your ego and realisation. If we are in darkness then the Light will try to enter into our lives in many ways. One way and this is the quicker way is to find someone who is enlightened and receive wisdom or True Knowledge from this person. It is said in many scriptures that by staying in the company of those in the Truth is the quickest way to realise God and be enlightened. You see there is no difference between the darkness and the Light. The only reason we see a difference is because we are not united with either of them. When we are in darkness, we need the Light. When we are in the Light, we want to be in darkness as it looks an easier way to live. Such is our nature towards ignorance. However, once someone has become enlightened they see no difference between the Light and Darkness. They rise above and live a life beyond all descriptions. That is the nature of God – unaffected and unmarked and enlightenment can give us that way of life.
Enlightenment is now!
The journey is ours to take and all I can say is that for me – enlightenment is my number one goal or target. It is the purpose of my life and this is because my Guru (Spiritual Teacher) has given me a gift in which enlightenment can happen in this moment itself. All it requires is the audacity to think beyond my ego. Some say that you need many lives in order to be awakened or to know God but who knows if this is the very life in order for you to achieve it. If we are to take full advantage of being a human being, to reach the highest potential then enlightenment is the only way! Enlightenment is a happening in the now.
I look at the picture of my Satguru, the Enlightened Teacher that has transformed my life and I can’t thank Him enough for all He has done.
His words although said in a simple way, once you get thinking about it, they enter a depth you never saw in the first instance. Is my Satguru misunderstood? Maybe. Do I understand Him? Not enough.
I have a close bond with Him and it is not because our families are close. It may have a part to play and I acknowledge that. However, what is the real relationship?
I am not shy to say that I have realised the Formless by the True Knowledge that my Satguru has given to me. This True Knowledge, known in sanskrit as Brahm Gyan, opens up your mind and body to accept the soul as the driver of your life. The Soul, the Eternal Witness realises that it is no longer the body and mind. It realises that it is a part of everything and everyone. Therefore, this ‘I’ that says it is realised is not of the mind or body and therefore does not belong to Rahul.
If I die today, I am liberated because my eyes have seen the true form of my Satguru. I know that He is not the body and mind but He is the very energy that I worship. The Supreme Consciousness that we can call God, that is Him. He is no less to that.
I am always asked that ‘What is the point of a Guru, if you have realised the Truth. If He tells you to worship the Formless, then why do you worship a form (Satguru) still?’ It is a very profound question and I’ve spent time answering it in many ways.
However, today I have a different take on the question. If I worship the Formless, I worship the Form the Formless has taken to reveal Himself. I worship that Form, who is a mirror and says to me that I can be like Him because I am Him. Without that Form of the Satguru, I wouldn’t know the Formless, I wouldn’t be able to perceive nor see the Formless, nor could I ever have a conversation with Him.
The fact is that the Guru does not need me but I need Him. I need Him when my faith falls because He shows me that it hasn’t fallen. You know why? He is always holding my hand, saving me from falling. He walks an extra step to remove any obstacles in my path so I do not trip up.
After realisation, it is hard to function in the world and this is where the Satguru is the most helpful. If you truly listen to Him, be connected to Him, have gratitude for Him, He will let your feeling of enlightenment not overwhelm you. It will allow you to stay alive because I have the same desire that He has. We have a world to protect and a humanity to keep alive. A humanity that is enlightened with the beauty of diversity. The Union between me and the Formless, the Union between me and the Satguru has united me with everything and I see it all as my own.
If you have a Guru, I would be honoured to read your experiences.
His blessings and love,
Sometimes I sit alone, this can be when I am in a crowded place too with people I know and I am conversing with them. Imagine that?! Feeling alone is the best feeling ever. When you see yourself disconnected from everything yet so connected that even nuances and subtleties are observed.
Sometimes sitting down alone, actually alone with just me is the greatest form of liberation. Why? I don’t like giving attention to those things that do not need it. I am not over-sensitive to the way people react to me aslong as I remember that it is not ‘me’ who they are speaking to but simply a projection of their own brilliant imagination. This all changes when you see Reality as it is, it becomes second nature to know that the projection is hiding the real face. This is what Truth brings to you. It gives you Reality. It gives you what feels and is experienced as Real.
Sensitivity is a must but not at the expense of your own emotions or taking offence to tiny matters. Being sensitive to life is very different to being sensitive to the whole drama that we seem to believe is life. Being sensitive to life means that you are in totality with it, you enjoy every bit of life. Every information is decoded into the Reality that is to be seen and you feel that connection to the One that created it all. However, being sensitive to drama simply means that a situation occurs and you make it a massive deal. Instead of trying to understand, you fall straight into the emotional turbulence and you are rocking to and fro creating havoc not only in your mind but definitely in others.
If you realised that you are responsible for how you feel. If you can accept that everything you feel is because of you then you will enforce a transformation. But who is willing to take this responsibility? Who really wants to take the blame for the idiocy and stupidity? It has to be a stroke of madness added with a sprinkle of genius to say ‘I am responsible for how I feel and for what thoughts I allow to run wild in my mind.’ When you accept this then transformation is waiting for you. Not mere change. Change is temporary and transformation is permanent. If you want the solution to be everlasting then choose transformation. But if you love putting unnecessary drama in your life and in the life of others then choose change because that way your idiocy and stupidity can be hidden very well.
We all have a choice and I must say that when I took responsibility for what I felt – solutions appeared without me having to do any background work. It is easier to accept that one was wrong. It is not a moment to feel guilty. Again, feeling guilty is just another way of attention seeking! Move on. Once you accept that you are in charge then that will be the last time you will ever recognise ‘you’ as the personality. You will become something larger than life and that is really what life is all about.
His Love and Blessings