Your Presence Prevails

10808bf51ff30249a8b83f13f7095d2fThe Guru dispels all darkness of the mind. The mind is in the delusion that it is the body with psychological impressions. The mind is given power by the soul and the soul is in the illusion that it is what the mind is. It takes on a different identity and leads a double life. This double life is the cause of disruption, stress and incredible ignorance that has loyalty towards the ego.

The only way the mind is free from the body and psychological impressions is simply by the elimination of the ego. When the ego is removed from the equation, the soul has access to the mind. When this happens, even for a split second and the Guru is present to give you the Eternal Wisdom then enlightenment can happen in a split second. A journey of bliss continues.

However, this is not the case for everyone and certainly not for me. I was given the Eternal Wisdom, also known as Brahm Gyan by my Guru while ‘my’ ego was running riot. The ego has most definitely calmed down as I transition into soul consciousness, which is god consciousness. However, my ego has put up a good fight and doesn’t look to be taking flight any time soon.

As I mentioned the Guru dispels all darkness of the mind, this is when one remembers the awareness of the Formless, this is the Eternal Wisdom. Understanding and having the realization that this Formless is everywhere and everything, the elements of compassion and acceptance are at the forefront of every decision, even every word.

The ego can put up a fight and the real YOU, that is Formless Awareness can watch all this happening. This is the clearest indicator to show that the ego doesn’t control you. If it did control you then it would incessantly control what you should be aware of. It does its best but in front of the Formless, it is weaker.

When you are in the awareness of the Formless, your ego slowly weakens. It is a gradual process. The only time it can speed up is when you have the physical darshan or receive a loving glance from the Guru. Even in that moment, you must be receptive to it, sensitive to it and open to it. If you are just going to meet the Guru without any intention to be transformed, then nothing will happen. A small urge to be transformed is required.

Spiritual complacency is what happens when we feel the glance (darshan) of the Guru has taken out the ego forever. The Guru never promises this, the disciple somehow falls under this subtle but devastating delusion. The ego and it’s influence has only weakened, not necessarily destroyed. It is reminding yourself of this glance, contemplating upon it, being aware of the Formless that is within everything, only then is the ego on the fast-track to be transcended as you take the flight into the beingness of the Formless.
This is what liberation is. This is what my Guru described to me and I am trying to live in this.

Without Him being here physically, I am fortunate to have had atleast 10 of those darshans, those glances that pierced through my ego, weakening it to the point that only a little bit is required to destroy it once and for all. Then Formless consciousness will be my way of life, it will be my life.

However, with His physical absence, my ego got a little stronger. It thought that my spiritual journey will come to a halt, it would be finished. I would stop having faith, I would stop having the desire to become enlightened as the ego believes that I have to become enlightened, it doesn’t know that I am enlightened. However, I know this intellectually, but experientially I am not there yet.

The ego thinks it is winning and I am here to tell it that Baba ji is more alive than ever! The darshans He blessed me with, those glances are not forgotten. They are with me always. 2 years on, they are stronger than ever. Why? I cannot allow His positive efforts, His precious time that He blessed the Earth with, go to absolute waste.

Baba Ji was the most beautiful being that I had ever come across. Falling in love with Him was a sheer joy for my heart. Crying in the darkness of many nights, seeking His darshan when He was physically here and physically absent, even those moments were one of incredible beauty. He always appeared and will always appear in front of me. His smile is imprinted into my consciousness. Nobody can take this away, no organization can claim ownership of this.

Dear Baba ji, my Beloved, appreciating my limited time in Your presence, full of gratitude, this journey towards being the Formless started with You and it will end with You, however, the journey never ends, it continues. Whatever the outcome of my life, I am grateful that I got to live a few moments with You and had taken breaths in the name of Hardev. For me, you were never born and you can never die, You were, are and always will be fully alive.

You are my journey and destination – Hardev, the Formless Resident of my soul knocking on the door of my mind and I can see my ego moving aside, dissolving away to let Your presence prevail for Eternity.

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Poem – Swept Alone

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This pain calms down and settles,
You feel that it is still and grounded,
Suddenly you are swept away,
Struggling to think as a wave crashes against you.
Then you realise it is an earthquake
Everything is crumbling down,
A tornado vacuums all your happiness,
And then it all stops.
You would call this a time of disaster
But now nothing is happening,
And this nothing feels like a disaster.
Atleast the activity kept me busy,
Now all I have is myself
And I don’t know where I have gone.
I went out on a journey,
Travelling against land and sea,
Still my Beloved is missing.
I seek for those eyes,
I seek for that smile,
I seek for that embrace,
I feel lost without You,
I am all alone at sea,
No activity not even myself,
Enlightenment without You
Feels like I am all alone.

@rahulnsinghpoetry

The Struggle continues

grief

3 months ago, a world that was full of colour turned dull, a life full of light turned into darkness in just one moment. All that remained was the observer in me – the watcher was untouched by the sadness and grief that struck my mind and my whole world was shattered. I didn’t know where to look, what to feel, what to say, what to do. I was lost in a world that didn’t make sense anymore. That is what happens when you have surrendered everything to someone – to a Spiritual Master.

After surrendering to Baba ji (my Spiritual Master) I didn’t have to think about anything in my life. I knew that it was in safe hands and still is despise His demise. I know that He has made sure my life will be comfortable and He must have given me all the strength to continue until my body decides that it has run its course on this Earth. However, there was certainly a sense of stability and comfort knowing that Baba ji was alive in His form, you felt safe knowing that if you had an issue then you could see Him. It was His approachability that made Him our everything and today, it is that very approachability that myself and others miss and seek.

My life has taken a turn where I am struggling to cope with this loss. It is no normal bereavement. It is one of excruciating pain where even the Observer, the Witness, the God within us understands the soul’s pain in losing the One who gave it so much joy, happiness and celebration. I always have this image of my soul crying, all alone in the universe, searching frantically for Baba ji. It is lost and doesn’t know what to do. I don’t think losing Baba ji is something I wanted so early on in my life.

How can I explain that God had showed me God? How can I explain that it was God that showed me how to be human? How can I explain to others that God had shown me how to become God Himself? And now this very God, the one we all worship regardless of our different paths had now left His mortal form. Can you imagine the pain of a devotee losing Krishna, Buddha, Kabir, Rumi and other Great Spiritual Masters whilst they were alive? You just don’t want to imagine it but today that imagination that I avoided is now my reality.

The only reason I am living is to write His praises, to write about how loving He was and to give the world now and in the future – the story of Rahul and Hardev. It is not that I want to die tomorrow or even right now. I don’t want to die until it is the right time but I can’t stop expressing the pain that I feel and it is not wrong to feel this pain. I have lost my breath and I am suffocating and drowning and I am only beginning to swim again. It feels like I have just been born again and have to start life all over again. This is not easy when you are left without the Beloved. I wonder if I trip or fall, will I be saved? Will someone pick me up?

As this struggling heart continues on the path towards liberation, I know that we have Satguru (Spiritual Master) in a new form and we have to surrender to Mata ji with the same zeal and enthusiasm that we did for Baba ji. It will have its own challenges but we can see through it. It does not mean we will not grieve for Baba ji, the tears will always flow and we will only be telling others about the legend of Hardev – the sweetest, caring and compassionate Guru. In a world spread with turmoil, suffering, hatred, intolerance and jealousy, we will know of a man that defied those values and became an embodiment of peace, love, humility, tolerance, forgiveness and compassion. We lived and walked alongside this legendary being.

His one smile was always something that we all longed for whenever He was going to visit us, wherever that may be in the world, but I know for sure that Mata ji will give us the same loving smile. She did this for me the day after Baba ji’s funeral. It was something that I needed and I also need that right now. I seek the glimpse of the Satguru to give comfort to the pain that my heart feels for my Beloved. As a devotee, I have full trust in Mata ji and all devotees of Baba ji have to support Her vision.

On the note of forgiveness, we all know that Baba ji had left His mortal form in a car accident. That is exactly what it was – an accident. The quicker that we can accept this, the better it will be for our own advancement. I have only seen this as an accident and have placed no blame on anyone. The point is that I knew Baba ji told us to think with a broad mind. We all say that a leaf cannot move without Satguru’s grace but have some of us just said it to meet our own egoic needs? Satguru does all and we cannot become judges of what happened and who should be guilty or not. I find it incredibly inconsiderate to do so. Baba ji only told us to love and forgive and if we cannot do that for our brothers, our family then what tribute can we ever possibly pay to the Satguru who sacrificed His whole life to put a smile on our faces. Those in the car are also grieving like we are. The quicker we forgive and welcome them in our hearts then we can concentrate on our own grieving process with the right mindset and focus.

Our Beloved Baba ji was overflowing with love for us all and we need to be the same. He wasn’t the best human being for His own praise, far from it. He wanted us all to be like Him – hold the same values and become those very spiritual values. We can never let go of the target He set for us, we have to remain focussed. I miss Him loads and I am struggling but the more I am the observer, the more I allow light to enter my dark world. The more I am in the present, the more I feel His love and presence. It is in the connection, focus and merging with the Formless that we see Baba ji again. Every day, I do meet Baba ji and I receive His love, I touch His feet and receive that warm embrace of His. This can be our way, and I need to surrender my struggle to Satguru Mata ji. I will trip and fall but She will pick me up. I will always miss Baba ji and I will still write about it because we are all sharing this grief collectively, but we have to at the same time, side by side, bring the message of Truth everywhere. And the message will always be in our thoughts and actions. Be aware, observe and be.

Thank you for reading. Please like, share and comment.

With Satguru’s love and blessings,
Rahul