Transform this one attachment

The past couple of days and the next few days, including today,  are days where I am extremely emotional. I still remember the morning of May 13th, 2016 and being told that my Spiritual Master had left His body.

Since that day, I have never been the same and my life has never been the same. It was a difficult time to embrace many changes but the one change that ruled over all of them was that the physical presence of my Spiritual Master was no more. I will never hear His voice again, give Him a hug again, touch His feet with my head.

Although, years prior to His passing, I had understood that the Guru, the Teacher is not the physical frame but the Spiritual Wisdom that takes one towards self-realization, the death of my Spiritual Master hit me really deep. Even though, I had seen the presence of my Master in more subtle realms of the mind, for some reason, I felt I had lost something.

It is coming up to three years and what have I lost? That belief that I can reach self-realization. Why? I always said and felt that it will only happen through Him. He will be the Spiritual Master in which self-realization will occur. The biggest battle in my mind right now is that He is physically no more and now what do I worship?

I have accepted His successors and my deep respect and reverence goes to them. However, my words, my statement that only Baba ji will give me self-realization always comes to the forefront. I know that eventually as one deepens their spiritual experience, the Spiritual Master lets go of the disciple and the final part of the journey towards self-realization is between you or myself and the Formless, Unseen One. If you get there, you get there and if you don’t and you fall, the Spiritual Master is the net that will protect you from the fall. That is what I believe right now, it is subject to change.

The reason why I say this is because today, more than spiritual, I am a conflicted man. If my Master could leave so suddenly, then where is the hope for me. If I was to go suddenly, would I remember the Formless One that my Spiritual Master instructed will lead me to own realization. He used to say that realize the Formless, and you will realize your own true self.

Maybe the biggest issue I have is that I placed too much emphasis on the external guru that I completely ignored the internal, subtle form of the Guru, of the Master. This is why maybe I am at a loss.

However, I miss my Spiritual Master because He was full of unconditional love, He had a personality that was humble and kind. Again, these are all my perceptions of Him and He did the biggest favor upon me, which was showing me the absolute stillness, Formless One.

I have a long way to go with my spirituality, maybe the only way to move forward and transform this attachment is to live the realization. The teachings of Baba ji will follow naturally once the realization takes place.

If anything, I am going to research into whether enlightenment is possible for me. I cannot say for others but is it possible for me. Where does it lead me to? I am open for any possibility now.

The hypothesis is simple – can Rahul attain self-realization that his Master once gave him the key for?

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10808bf51ff30249a8b83f13f7095d2fThe Guru dispels all darkness of the mind. The mind is in the delusion that it is the body with psychological impressions. The mind is given power by the soul and the soul is in the illusion that it is what the mind is. It takes on a different identity and leads a double life. This double life is the cause of disruption, stress and incredible ignorance that has loyalty towards the ego.

The only way the mind is free from the body and psychological impressions is simply by the elimination of the ego. When the ego is removed from the equation, the soul has access to the mind. When this happens, even for a split second and the Guru is present to give you the Eternal Wisdom then enlightenment can happen in a split second. A journey of bliss continues.

However, this is not the case for everyone and certainly not for me. I was given the Eternal Wisdom, also known as Brahm Gyan by my Guru while ‘my’ ego was running riot. The ego has most definitely calmed down as I transition into soul consciousness, which is god consciousness. However, my ego has put up a good fight and doesn’t look to be taking flight any time soon.

As I mentioned the Guru dispels all darkness of the mind, this is when one remembers the awareness of the Formless, this is the Eternal Wisdom. Understanding and having the realization that this Formless is everywhere and everything, the elements of compassion and acceptance are at the forefront of every decision, even every word.

The ego can put up a fight and the real YOU, that is Formless Awareness can watch all this happening. This is the clearest indicator to show that the ego doesn’t control you. If it did control you then it would incessantly control what you should be aware of. It does its best but in front of the Formless, it is weaker.

When you are in the awareness of the Formless, your ego slowly weakens. It is a gradual process. The only time it can speed up is when you have the physical darshan or receive a loving glance from the Guru. Even in that moment, you must be receptive to it, sensitive to it and open to it. If you are just going to meet the Guru without any intention to be transformed, then nothing will happen. A small urge to be transformed is required.

Spiritual complacency is what happens when we feel the glance (darshan) of the Guru has taken out the ego forever. The Guru never promises this, the disciple somehow falls under this subtle but devastating delusion. The ego and it’s influence has only weakened, not necessarily destroyed. It is reminding yourself of this glance, contemplating upon it, being aware of the Formless that is within everything, only then is the ego on the fast-track to be transcended as you take the flight into the beingness of the Formless.
This is what liberation is. This is what my Guru described to me and I am trying to live in this.

Without Him being here physically, I am fortunate to have had atleast 10 of those darshans, those glances that pierced through my ego, weakening it to the point that only a little bit is required to destroy it once and for all. Then Formless consciousness will be my way of life, it will be my life.

However, with His physical absence, my ego got a little stronger. It thought that my spiritual journey will come to a halt, it would be finished. I would stop having faith, I would stop having the desire to become enlightened as the ego believes that I have to become enlightened, it doesn’t know that I am enlightened. However, I know this intellectually, but experientially I am not there yet.

The ego thinks it is winning and I am here to tell it that Baba ji is more alive than ever! The darshans He blessed me with, those glances are not forgotten. They are with me always. 2 years on, they are stronger than ever. Why? I cannot allow His positive efforts, His precious time that He blessed the Earth with, go to absolute waste.

Baba Ji was the most beautiful being that I had ever come across. Falling in love with Him was a sheer joy for my heart. Crying in the darkness of many nights, seeking His darshan when He was physically here and physically absent, even those moments were one of incredible beauty. He always appeared and will always appear in front of me. His smile is imprinted into my consciousness. Nobody can take this away, no organization can claim ownership of this.

Dear Baba ji, my Beloved, appreciating my limited time in Your presence, full of gratitude, this journey towards being the Formless started with You and it will end with You, however, the journey never ends, it continues. Whatever the outcome of my life, I am grateful that I got to live a few moments with You and had taken breaths in the name of Hardev. For me, you were never born and you can never die, You were, are and always will be fully alive.

You are my journey and destination – Hardev, the Formless Resident of my soul knocking on the door of my mind and I can see my ego moving aside, dissolving away to let Your presence prevail for Eternity.