Your Presence Prevails

10808bf51ff30249a8b83f13f7095d2fThe Guru dispels all darkness of the mind. The mind is in the delusion that it is the body with psychological impressions. The mind is given power by the soul and the soul is in the illusion that it is what the mind is. It takes on a different identity and leads a double life. This double life is the cause of disruption, stress and incredible ignorance that has loyalty towards the ego.

The only way the mind is free from the body and psychological impressions is simply by the elimination of the ego. When the ego is removed from the equation, the soul has access to the mind. When this happens, even for a split second and the Guru is present to give you the Eternal Wisdom then enlightenment can happen in a split second. A journey of bliss continues.

However, this is not the case for everyone and certainly not for me. I was given the Eternal Wisdom, also known as Brahm Gyan by my Guru while ‘my’ ego was running riot. The ego has most definitely calmed down as I transition into soul consciousness, which is god consciousness. However, my ego has put up a good fight and doesn’t look to be taking flight any time soon.

As I mentioned the Guru dispels all darkness of the mind, this is when one remembers the awareness of the Formless, this is the Eternal Wisdom. Understanding and having the realization that this Formless is everywhere and everything, the elements of compassion and acceptance are at the forefront of every decision, even every word.

The ego can put up a fight and the real YOU, that is Formless Awareness can watch all this happening. This is the clearest indicator to show that the ego doesn’t control you. If it did control you then it would incessantly control what you should be aware of. It does its best but in front of the Formless, it is weaker.

When you are in the awareness of the Formless, your ego slowly weakens. It is a gradual process. The only time it can speed up is when you have the physical darshan or receive a loving glance from the Guru. Even in that moment, you must be receptive to it, sensitive to it and open to it. If you are just going to meet the Guru without any intention to be transformed, then nothing will happen. A small urge to be transformed is required.

Spiritual complacency is what happens when we feel the glance (darshan) of the Guru has taken out the ego forever. The Guru never promises this, the disciple somehow falls under this subtle but devastating delusion. The ego and it’s influence has only weakened, not necessarily destroyed. It is reminding yourself of this glance, contemplating upon it, being aware of the Formless that is within everything, only then is the ego on the fast-track to be transcended as you take the flight into the beingness of the Formless.
This is what liberation is. This is what my Guru described to me and I am trying to live in this.

Without Him being here physically, I am fortunate to have had atleast 10 of those darshans, those glances that pierced through my ego, weakening it to the point that only a little bit is required to destroy it once and for all. Then Formless consciousness will be my way of life, it will be my life.

However, with His physical absence, my ego got a little stronger. It thought that my spiritual journey will come to a halt, it would be finished. I would stop having faith, I would stop having the desire to become enlightened as the ego believes that I have to become enlightened, it doesn’t know that I am enlightened. However, I know this intellectually, but experientially I am not there yet.

The ego thinks it is winning and I am here to tell it that Baba ji is more alive than ever! The darshans He blessed me with, those glances are not forgotten. They are with me always. 2 years on, they are stronger than ever. Why? I cannot allow His positive efforts, His precious time that He blessed the Earth with, go to absolute waste.

Baba Ji was the most beautiful being that I had ever come across. Falling in love with Him was a sheer joy for my heart. Crying in the darkness of many nights, seeking His darshan when He was physically here and physically absent, even those moments were one of incredible beauty. He always appeared and will always appear in front of me. His smile is imprinted into my consciousness. Nobody can take this away, no organization can claim ownership of this.

Dear Baba ji, my Beloved, appreciating my limited time in Your presence, full of gratitude, this journey towards being the Formless started with You and it will end with You, however, the journey never ends, it continues. Whatever the outcome of my life, I am grateful that I got to live a few moments with You and had taken breaths in the name of Hardev. For me, you were never born and you can never die, You were, are and always will be fully alive.

You are my journey and destination – Hardev, the Formless Resident of my soul knocking on the door of my mind and I can see my ego moving aside, dissolving away to let Your presence prevail for Eternity.

Regret

babaji

Words – spoken or written will never do justice to the most beautiful person I had ever known – Baba ji.

More than six months since He left His body, I feel the sadness, loss, pain increasing everyday.

I have never felt a loss like this due to the multiple relationships He fulfilled for me. I lost my best friend, my father, my uncle, my Satguru all in one go. I don’t know what to grieve for the most or where to even begin.

His sweet nature, His soft spoken voice, His language of respect, His expressions of compassion, His being that brought people of every background together was a reason for my existence and still is.

After the conclusion of the 69th Nirankari Sant Samagam in Delhi, India, I am left with deep regret and I feel disappointed in myself.

Baba ji never considered His own wellbeing, somehow Nature made sure that He was fine. Baba ji never considered His own family, somehow they managed to work around Him, all He cared about was taking the Truth to the Masses and allow people to attain liberation through the medium of God-Knowledge. His famous saying is self-realisation through God-realisation. Once we realised God, we know who we are. This is all that He lived for and He spent 36 years, sleeping for just 2-3 hours a day, travelling constantly just to awaken people like me.

Which leaves me to explain why I feel deep regret. I was never able to achieve my own expectations of being liberated whilst living and that while He was alive. I took His mortal existence to be Immortal and Eternal and this led me to take my spiritual life to be secondary and something that could wait. There was no sense of urgency for me. I did try to make it my primary reason for existence but I know that at times, instead of surrendering to what was happening, I kept worrying, I kept getting disturbed and ultimately it led to me letting Him down.

People tell me that I am ahead of them spiritually and it is a nice thing to say and even hear and I respect this opinion. However, I had my own expectations that were in line with Baba ji. He wanted my thirst for God, for enlightenment to be my everything. I had even glimpses of moments when my intensity for Truth was so much, my personal life took care of itself. My career controlled itself, it evolved by itself. I saw all this and yet I didn’t pursue this path of intense spiritual yearning. I let those glimpses remain glimpses, instead of signs that showed me what is about to arrive in my life.

His death has made me re-evaluate everything about life. Since He has died, I have got married, moved career paths but the one thing I didn’t evaluate as much as I thought I would have done on the 13th May, was my own spiritual journey. Despite knowing that Baba ji lost His life in the matter of a moment, I was still taking it easy. I was still putting spirituality in my life as a secondary thing. It remained my part-time lifestyle for when it suited me.

After the 21st November, I realised one thing. I can go in any moment, Death is always waiting.

The other thing I realised, I let Baba ji down. If only I could have been the disciple He was looking for, maybe I could have kept Him alive, given Him a reason to continue instead of bringing such a change in tragic events. I have always believed an enlightened being can decide their death and for someone like Baba ji, it goes without question. I feel personally responsible for not giving Him an alternative choice and I am not saying that every devotee of Baba ji should feel the way I feel, the question should definitely occur in us about what are we going to do following from this tragedy.

I see that I have no choice now, actually I didn’t have a choice before. I wanted a Satguru, I found Him and I knew His expectations. I know what He wanted. I don’t have a choice. Everything in my life has to let my spiritual journey take it’s place as my primary source of joy and everyday living. The thing is I have surrendered and I can’t think about my needs or wants. I have full faith that I will commit to my worldly responsibilities with just as much passion but it will never be at the detriment to my spirituality.

To complete the spiritual journey, I will have to put it first and put it into practice. I will have to focus more on being aware of the Formless One. This will have to be done whilst I complete the responsibilities I have. This is about sacrifice. I may have to put things on hold, not give as much attention as I can to certain aspects of life but it is all worth it. It is only when one has achieved the purpose of life can they truly be of value to others.

What Baba ji did for me, I can never pay Him back in hundreds of lifetimes, it will never be enough and this regret overwhelms me and I want to pay back this debt if I can.

I’m sorry Baba ji, I deeply regret not being fully enlightened in Your lifetime. You were the best thing and continue to be the best thing about my life. If I didn’t have these beautiful memories of You, my life would not be worth living. Thank You for giving us a new Satguru and I pray that I can in Her presence reach my potential – a brahm gyani – an enlightened being.