Mirages and Spiritual Awakening

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Growing up with a thirst for spiritual awakening was not easy as I had to study and build a life thereon. Studying for me was boring because it was forced upon me and inside I knew that I would probably never use half of the things I learned in high school. I was right about that but my thirst for spiritual awakening was also growing, as I became more thirsty, several mirages appeared in my life to distract me – whether it was women, intoxicants, wealth etc.

Eventually these mirages were ignored after several years of going through these experiences as if they were true. I look back at the past and think I was so sure I was doing the best thing for me and now I almost regret some of it. However, what has been done has been done. I have to move forward.

As several mirages appeared again, I knew it was right to let them be as they were but not be allured towards them. I was then clear for spiritual awakening, so I thought but such experiences never come easy even if you have the tool to instantaneously get it.

The mirage of concepts was very heavy and while I got rid of some concepts through careful analysis on their validity, I ended up created some more concepts and down again I went down the rabbit hole. From saying there is a god to know saying there isn’t a god – I was firm on both these concepts at one time and now – I don’t know even though the answer is very, very clear to me.

Two things I had never let go of: One was my love for my Spiritual Master and two was my meditation. Even though, I tried to stay clear from my Spiritual Master, I understood that something else was being played. Even though I disagreed a lot with some of the philosophy that His organization taught, it was later discovered through my own meditation that those were my philosophies and not His. This was when I realized that our perception had to be cleansed in order to truly understand a philosophy as it is and not how you interpret it.

Let’s just say that the way I see the philosophy now is very simple – the realization of the Formless Self, is the realization of your True Self. The Spiritual Master just points at that Formless Self. It is up to you whether you look at the Formless Self or take a little detour with looking at the Spiritual Master. If you do take the detour, it becomes dangerous territory because you may love the Master but your mind has not realized it’s true self so therefore, your Master will be judged by you – even if it is a positive judgement. Any judgment will not let you see something clearly.

As I mentioned, I stayed away from my Master while I was going through this major analysis, but I was very devoted to meditation and meditated a lot. I was working and would wake up as early as 4am and meditate for an hour, then read for two hours and then get ready for work. It so happened, that on a Saturday, I started meditating again around 9am and as I was focussing on empty space for a while, I saw the tiniest dot of Light appear and I was amazed at this. I floated in this empty space and went near it and I heard a sound that simply said ‘Before this, I am,’ and I just saw this dot expand and the whole of creation was presented to me. I couldn’t contain myself and took myself out of the meditative state. I didn’t know what I experienced other than there had to be something before creation.

I have never forgotten this experience but it came back to me three weeks ago. This time, the tiniest dot was not seen but empty space was taken away from me and I came to an absolute stillness and centered my whole focus on that stillness. I was so taken aback by it that it felt like I had been there for 10 minutes when in fact, it had only been around 30 seconds. It was an intense experience. I realized one major thing – it didn’t matter whether this is god or not – there is only stillness. Call it whatever you want now to personalize it. I totally understand why we name it. Yes, it certainly dilutes what It Is but people need something to relate to and the easiest thing to do is to name it.

I enjoyed this experience and I have noticed how it continuously presents itself to me without any desire from my side. It’s presence cannot be ignored by me. It only then occurred to me that my Spiritual Master had told me about this around 5 years ago. He held his right hand out, His palm facing His stomach, maybe 15 cm away from His stomach and with His left hand waving in between the right hand and the stomach said “You have to be aware of this, it is stillness. Keep focusing on this awareness.” Little did I know that after almost 3 years of His departure from His physical form would this golden nugget of wisdom make sense to me and I would understand it.

The mirage I had then was that a Spiritual Master is only the physical body, this is a massive illusion. The teachings are of an eternal nature and so is the presence of the Master. It is now that I truly appreciate everything that has been taught to me. I am still learning, discovering and in fact, I am more eager to learn than I probably was in my teens. Spirituality has no end in terms of literature but in the end it is your own experience that matters. Use the literature to inspire you, refuse to let it be a concept.

A few weeks ago, I had my second spiritual awakening, the sight towards enlightenment is also on the horizon. All gratitude goes to my Spiritual Master.

 

 

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Quest of Life discussion

This post is about the discussion of the poem Quest of Life. I was asked to write something inspirational and the biggest inspiration for me is the very less hyped up topic of death. Is it slightly wrong to be infatuated by the concept of death? Or is it because of the mysteriousness that surrounds the whole being of it. Death I believe is the true birth and birth is the true death. So actually you are dead when you think you have been given life. The fact is we lose the energy of life once social conditioning enters our consciousness. Then the journey becomes one of finding ourselves, that energy of life once again. It is very hard to do and that is why I like Quest of Life, it is pure in terms of knowing what it wants. So let’s get down to the discussion of it.

The quest of life remains open to question,
Why is it asking a question creates hesitations?
Life is a quest for simple answers
A true genius remains a freelancer.

The fact is, do we know what the true quest to life is? Nobody knows but everybody knows. This is the paradox of it all. The quest of life is to simply live life. Then we are always told not to ask questions. You will hear your parents, teachers, Gurus, family, friends, work colleagues say ‘Don’t say this and that?’. ‘He is a learned person, so don’t question him!’ If we can’t question the so-called ‘learned’ person then what is the point of his existence. He might aswell be a mute. Never stop to question. Do not hesitate. If you don’t understand something, then question the layers of it. Even question me, I am willing to go to the dock of your court. Even if you are not satisfied with the answer, then say you are not. It is not stupid to an answer that is probably half-baked or even set out to confuse you. The answers must be simple, you must be able to feel them then you can accept them. It says that a ‘true genius remains a freelancer‘. This line can be taken to any level. A genius has no limits, has no boundaries, has no conditions, hence they are called a freelancer. They can do anything because they love what they do, they love the thrill. And that is what life should be, a thrill. We should wake up feeling as if we were just born. Free from anything that may restrict our thinking. This is why a genius is never controlled, instead they control. They may not control your life but they are further ahead than you will ever be. They have control over their own lives, their own individuality.

The soul of Yours and mine has to roam,
The quest goes from my home to Your Home.
My people do you feel down and out now,
Is your heart feeling extremely low?

This verse talks about the soul. In the first line of this stanza, it is about God and one’s soul that has to roam. A pretty humble thought to put God on a humane level. The reason why I say that the soul of God should roam is because he is the one that grants us the life in death. Therefore, it leads to the next line, which sums up the previous line, that the quest of God and ours, is to find the home we want. God may be wanting my home, but I want to go to His home. The bottom line is that don’t think God is in one place, he is everywhere. Then the next two lines go to the humane level, it talks about emotions that tie us down, that limit us from being a genius, that limits our journey and our quest. You don’t have to believe in God, whatever you have faith in is great. Having faith in yourself is just as important as having faith in a God. Remember having faith in yourself and possessing an ego are different, one is humility and the other is arrogance.

The answer is to meditate on the Lord,
The Lord is your shield and your sword.
Meditate and grab your knowledge,
In adversity I’ll remember you and that’s my pledge.

This stanza deals with meditating on the Lord, or the energy that you want to believe in. Silence is a God. It has everything in there. Everything can drown in silence. Therefore, that becomes your protection (shield) and your weapon (sword). This does not mean you kill people. This means that you will kill your inner demons only. Then it goes on talking about grabbing your knowledge. People have stopped learning because they think they know everything. You know nothing and no matter how many theories, books you have read, documentaries you have seen and even the so-called ‘news’, it can never be enough. But the knowledge I am talking about here is the knowledge of knowing yourself. The knowledge of life in death. And when you are in your worst times then remember what you believe in and make that your pledge. Whatever gives us the essence to live, the energy to live, that is your God. Nothing else can be your God even if you tried. Only that what gives you the happiness in having the next breath. In your worst times, this energy will give you happiness. That is why I disagree with fearing God. How can you fear something that gives you happiness? You think that God really gives two damns about judging you? Get over yourself. He is judging what you do when you are spontaneous, not when you have calculated your response. Never fear God. When you fear God, you have lost moments in loving God. So don’t waste time in trying to be good and force to impress God. Just simply become good and leave an impression to God.

You have to figure what upsets you,
Most likely the findings will be true.
Where is my life going to end?
Or is death simply a new bend?

What is the biggest upset in the world, that humans find a reason to be upset. Any tiny little reason. ‘I can’t find love.’ Start loving yourself then maybe someone else can love you. ‘Can’t find decent guys or girls!’ Well, start making decent and well thought out decisions. ‘We can’t be friends because it can’t work out.’ Nothing in your life will work out. Why do we limit ourselves to ‘No’s’ ‘maybe’s’! What happened to the word ‘Yes.’ When can we look in the mirror and say you know what, I am at fault. The fact is when you figure out what upsets you, you will find that it is your own mind, heart and soul that upsets you. Then you start wondering where is my life going to end? What can you do to make sure you die a happy person. But then, the more you look into the life, the more you will realise that death is simply something that is mysterious and must be accepted that way. Just like God. Just simply see life as another bend that somehow will showcase a paradise in front of you. Paradise is not in terms of a visual accept. For me, paradise is pure darkness, pure emptiness.

I am worried about leaving this world,
But can I face death when it finally calls?
Is death as cold as I imagine it to be?
Or is it simply sitting by a wishing tree?

The biggest worry in life is death. What would happen to the world that is in front of us. Will it all disappear? Well, think about it, do you think about you great-great grandparents? No. You probably don’t give a damn about them. Don’t think you are popular because you have like 500 or more friends on facebook. Most of them will not even give a damn that you are dead or alive. There are only a few people that are genuine and that is honesty. I only care about 15-20 friends on my facebook, the rest is purely there for inspiration for a script! So what would happen when I die. Please just let those 15-20 friends be there. I don’t care if death calls. In fact, I don’t care about my funeral because I will not be attending it. Just burn me and put me in a river. But let me die first! I deliberately mentioned ‘fire’ and death is not cold. It is the warmest feeling. You are free from your problems. No money issues, family issues, friend issues, court cases or work-related issues. No problems and that is freedom. The best thing to do is be free right now. Don’t give a damn about anything but care about it. Love everything and everything will love you. It isn’t optimism, it is what gets me through the days where there is ultimate sorrow in my heart. Death could be us sitting by a wishing tree, similar like to the one they show in Avatar. What a lovely experience that would be. Just wishing away and in fact, once you are dead, I don’t think you will have any wishes. I think you will be free from the social bonds. The wish when you are dead will only be that you remain dead.

My questions have no answer today,
For death is my soul’s only way.
What happens after death is no issue,
But God shut me down without a cue.

The answers will not be given today, it is simple. Unless you die today, there will be no way. Your soul has to move on from being trapped or attached to the cage of your body. When you die, only then will you find the answers to everything. After death, like I said before that you will have no issues. You will have no care in the world. But my prayer is that if I die, I just want to burn out like a candle. I just want to go. I don’t want it to be slow. I don’t care about the pain. I just want to go. Lights out. I want no cue, no little clue. This is a body, it has to go so who am I to need a cue. ‘Shut me down’ sounds as if the body is a machine, well, if you are dying a slow death in hospital, you will most likely be on a life-support machine.

Having embraced the worst possibility,
Being in Your Presence will be my reality.
The dream is a reality and the reality is a dream,
The Lord and myself will one day become a team.

Today, the worst possibility is death but when you have embraced it. When you are in love with the concept then God comes to you. It may not be God, it may be pure love, the true love. In fact, if you have a partner who is like that then you are in for the most amazing time in your life. They can never disappoint you as lovers. Their presence of love that they have embraced, simply rubs off unto you. That is amazing. It is not death that you truly embrace, it is the Pure Love or God that you make your reality. In human terms, you are a dead man. But it is the best for anybody to be made of that Pure Love. The third line here is my favourite because there is no dream and there is no reality. Everything is a simple ILLUSION. The ILLUSION of DENIAL. Once you accept love, then that is the only existence. And the final line is about becoming a team with Love or the Lord. One day, it can happen. It is about belief. But if you have somebody that has embraced this Pure Love, stay near them. They will show you positivity, they will see positivity in everything. There is no limits to the possibilities and they will show you this. They may get down and may be upset for a day but they rise much quicker than us normal beings. Become the Pure Love and watch the world change around you. Don’t expect people to change but expect a change from within you and without you.

 

Lots of love and God bless,

Rahul N Singh