As much as I write,
I can never touch the glory of the Creator,
I cannot write even a single letter.
The power lies in the word,
Once the word is understood,
It is heard in all directions,
It becomes the Friend of your heart.
I have tried to write about This One,
Who has shown me just a glimpse of Him,
And I am failing to write a single atom to Him,
His Vastness has no bounds and is infinite.
When He is fully realised,
This pen will not be able to lifted,
The beauty of the Formless is indescribable,
Silence fails to even comprehend Him.
My Formless, I surrender to You,
Let the Pen of Realisation re-write my mind,
Let the Pen of Realisation re-write my heart,
Let the Pen of Realisation re-write my soul,
Wherever and however I am approached,
May it only be You – Formless One,
That is experienced by all.
Surrendering I am singing Your praises,
Surrendering I am writing Your praises,
Surrendering I am hearing Your praises,
Surrendering I am walking Your praises,
Surrendering I am forever alive,
Whoever surrenders is never born nor dies.
Words – spoken or written will never do justice to the most beautiful person I had ever known – Baba ji.
More than six months since He left His body, I feel the sadness, loss, pain increasing everyday.
I have never felt a loss like this due to the multiple relationships He fulfilled for me. I lost my best friend, my father, my uncle, my Satguru all in one go. I don’t know what to grieve for the most or where to even begin.
His sweet nature, His soft spoken voice, His language of respect, His expressions of compassion, His being that brought people of every background together was a reason for my existence and still is.
After the conclusion of the 69th Nirankari Sant Samagam in Delhi, India, I am left with deep regret and I feel disappointed in myself.
Baba ji never considered His own wellbeing, somehow Nature made sure that He was fine. Baba ji never considered His own family, somehow they managed to work around Him, all He cared about was taking the Truth to the Masses and allow people to attain liberation through the medium of God-Knowledge. His famous saying is self-realisation through God-realisation. Once we realised God, we know who we are. This is all that He lived for and He spent 36 years, sleeping for just 2-3 hours a day, travelling constantly just to awaken people like me.
Which leaves me to explain why I feel deep regret. I was never able to achieve my own expectations of being liberated whilst living and that while He was alive. I took His mortal existence to be Immortal and Eternal and this led me to take my spiritual life to be secondary and something that could wait. There was no sense of urgency for me. I did try to make it my primary reason for existence but I know that at times, instead of surrendering to what was happening, I kept worrying, I kept getting disturbed and ultimately it led to me letting Him down.
People tell me that I am ahead of them spiritually and it is a nice thing to say and even hear and I respect this opinion. However, I had my own expectations that were in line with Baba ji. He wanted my thirst for God, for enlightenment to be my everything. I had even glimpses of moments when my intensity for Truth was so much, my personal life took care of itself. My career controlled itself, it evolved by itself. I saw all this and yet I didn’t pursue this path of intense spiritual yearning. I let those glimpses remain glimpses, instead of signs that showed me what is about to arrive in my life.
His death has made me re-evaluate everything about life. Since He has died, I have got married, moved career paths but the one thing I didn’t evaluate as much as I thought I would have done on the 13th May, was my own spiritual journey. Despite knowing that Baba ji lost His life in the matter of a moment, I was still taking it easy. I was still putting spirituality in my life as a secondary thing. It remained my part-time lifestyle for when it suited me.
After the 21st November, I realised one thing. I can go in any moment, Death is always waiting.
The other thing I realised, I let Baba ji down. If only I could have been the disciple He was looking for, maybe I could have kept Him alive, given Him a reason to continue instead of bringing such a change in tragic events. I have always believed an enlightened being can decide their death and for someone like Baba ji, it goes without question. I feel personally responsible for not giving Him an alternative choice and I am not saying that every devotee of Baba ji should feel the way I feel, the question should definitely occur in us about what are we going to do following from this tragedy.
I see that I have no choice now, actually I didn’t have a choice before. I wanted a Satguru, I found Him and I knew His expectations. I know what He wanted. I don’t have a choice. Everything in my life has to let my spiritual journey take it’s place as my primary source of joy and everyday living. The thing is I have surrendered and I can’t think about my needs or wants. I have full faith that I will commit to my worldly responsibilities with just as much passion but it will never be at the detriment to my spirituality.
To complete the spiritual journey, I will have to put it first and put it into practice. I will have to focus more on being aware of the Formless One. This will have to be done whilst I complete the responsibilities I have. This is about sacrifice. I may have to put things on hold, not give as much attention as I can to certain aspects of life but it is all worth it. It is only when one has achieved the purpose of life can they truly be of value to others.
What Baba ji did for me, I can never pay Him back in hundreds of lifetimes, it will never be enough and this regret overwhelms me and I want to pay back this debt if I can.
I’m sorry Baba ji, I deeply regret not being fully enlightened in Your lifetime. You were the best thing and continue to be the best thing about my life. If I didn’t have these beautiful memories of You, my life would not be worth living. Thank You for giving us a new Satguru and I pray that I can in Her presence reach my potential – a brahm gyani – an enlightened being.
We all face difficulties sometimes and it can lead to hurt and pain. We never know how to deal with it. What would be the best solution, or even the route to a solution?
For me, my spirituality has never contained the element of having a conversation with the Formless. For me, the Formless is what can be called God, in fact it has many names but yet remains nameless. Without form and name, it presides everywhere and is within everything. This Formless is my support at this very time as I go through one of the toughest moments of my life.
This morning I woke up, and I do my 2 pages of morning writing, where I let my thoughts go wild on the page. It normally turns out to be like a journal but it helps keep a flow in what is happening within me. After reading this in the evening, my wife and I, meditate on the Formless for 10 minutes or so. It helps us get back into focus on what is happening and to be in the moment. It allows us both to connect spiritually and deeper than anything a verbal conversation can have.
This morning I felt I needed a bit more than meditation. I decided to have a conversation with the Formless. I just let everything out that was in my mind, I cried and felt the immense pain of losing my Beloved Guru – Baba ji. Whenever I was going through a crisis, He would have been the first person I would speak to. Sometimes, when I felt low, He would be the one to pick me up. Today, I felt in the morning that He was no longer here and I felt alone, deeply alone. My support that I had with His physical form was gone, vanished and would never occur again.
Then something remarkable happened. I felt His presence, I felt His caring nature and voice telling me that everything is okay and that I must keep faith on the Formless. I must accept and do as He wanted me to do. He told me that He had always been proud of me and that He had to leave for the collective. Those that had His personal attention will always be looked after by Him. All I had to do was concentrate on creating this relationship with the Formless. Whenever I would remember the Formless, He promised me that He will be there for me. The beauty of Hardev remains in the Formless. It’s about having a conversation and I felt the stress, the worries, the anxieties evaporated as His presence entered and I can feel it right now. I can feel His embrace, the one I have missed for over a year, finally enter my heart. This is all I needed to know that my faith will never falter.
When we go through problems, whether you believe in God or not, having a conversation with yourself, out open in the air may be a logical thing to do. Yes, it may look silly to a passerby but who cares? Your wellbeing comes first. You will be able to let your repressed emotions become expressed.
Speaking to the Formless is the real prayer. This Energy, which is Fullness will illuminate your life. All it requires is a little surrender. Letting go of your ego and mind and allowing the Formless to work wonders within you. The way to converse with Nirankar (Formless) is simply in the knowing that This Energy is here and now. Being aware of This, you are able to fully involve yourself into revealing your innermost feelings.
I know that somedays I may never get an intuitive answer but whenever I do, I will feel complete and inspired again. I will be full of positivity because my Beloved is always within me and His love can never diminish. It will continuously spread, evolve and reach every human heart.
Try it and have a conversation with Nirankar and see what beautiful pearls of wisdom arises out of it.
Satguru’s love and blessings
3 months ago, a world that was full of colour turned dull, a life full of light turned into darkness in just one moment. All that remained was the observer in me – the watcher was untouched by the sadness and grief that struck my mind and my whole world was shattered. I didn’t know where to look, what to feel, what to say, what to do. I was lost in a world that didn’t make sense anymore. That is what happens when you have surrendered everything to someone – to a Spiritual Master.
After surrendering to Baba ji (my Spiritual Master) I didn’t have to think about anything in my life. I knew that it was in safe hands and still is despise His demise. I know that He has made sure my life will be comfortable and He must have given me all the strength to continue until my body decides that it has run its course on this Earth. However, there was certainly a sense of stability and comfort knowing that Baba ji was alive in His form, you felt safe knowing that if you had an issue then you could see Him. It was His approachability that made Him our everything and today, it is that very approachability that myself and others miss and seek.
My life has taken a turn where I am struggling to cope with this loss. It is no normal bereavement. It is one of excruciating pain where even the Observer, the Witness, the God within us understands the soul’s pain in losing the One who gave it so much joy, happiness and celebration. I always have this image of my soul crying, all alone in the universe, searching frantically for Baba ji. It is lost and doesn’t know what to do. I don’t think losing Baba ji is something I wanted so early on in my life.
How can I explain that God had showed me God? How can I explain that it was God that showed me how to be human? How can I explain to others that God had shown me how to become God Himself? And now this very God, the one we all worship regardless of our different paths had now left His mortal form. Can you imagine the pain of a devotee losing Krishna, Buddha, Kabir, Rumi and other Great Spiritual Masters whilst they were alive? You just don’t want to imagine it but today that imagination that I avoided is now my reality.
The only reason I am living is to write His praises, to write about how loving He was and to give the world now and in the future – the story of Rahul and Hardev. It is not that I want to die tomorrow or even right now. I don’t want to die until it is the right time but I can’t stop expressing the pain that I feel and it is not wrong to feel this pain. I have lost my breath and I am suffocating and drowning and I am only beginning to swim again. It feels like I have just been born again and have to start life all over again. This is not easy when you are left without the Beloved. I wonder if I trip or fall, will I be saved? Will someone pick me up?
As this struggling heart continues on the path towards liberation, I know that we have Satguru (Spiritual Master) in a new form and we have to surrender to Mata ji with the same zeal and enthusiasm that we did for Baba ji. It will have its own challenges but we can see through it. It does not mean we will not grieve for Baba ji, the tears will always flow and we will only be telling others about the legend of Hardev – the sweetest, caring and compassionate Guru. In a world spread with turmoil, suffering, hatred, intolerance and jealousy, we will know of a man that defied those values and became an embodiment of peace, love, humility, tolerance, forgiveness and compassion. We lived and walked alongside this legendary being.
His one smile was always something that we all longed for whenever He was going to visit us, wherever that may be in the world, but I know for sure that Mata ji will give us the same loving smile. She did this for me the day after Baba ji’s funeral. It was something that I needed and I also need that right now. I seek the glimpse of the Satguru to give comfort to the pain that my heart feels for my Beloved. As a devotee, I have full trust in Mata ji and all devotees of Baba ji have to support Her vision.
On the note of forgiveness, we all know that Baba ji had left His mortal form in a car accident. That is exactly what it was – an accident. The quicker that we can accept this, the better it will be for our own advancement. I have only seen this as an accident and have placed no blame on anyone. The point is that I knew Baba ji told us to think with a broad mind. We all say that a leaf cannot move without Satguru’s grace but have some of us just said it to meet our own egoic needs? Satguru does all and we cannot become judges of what happened and who should be guilty or not. I find it incredibly inconsiderate to do so. Baba ji only told us to love and forgive and if we cannot do that for our brothers, our family then what tribute can we ever possibly pay to the Satguru who sacrificed His whole life to put a smile on our faces. Those in the car are also grieving like we are. The quicker we forgive and welcome them in our hearts then we can concentrate on our own grieving process with the right mindset and focus.
Our Beloved Baba ji was overflowing with love for us all and we need to be the same. He wasn’t the best human being for His own praise, far from it. He wanted us all to be like Him – hold the same values and become those very spiritual values. We can never let go of the target He set for us, we have to remain focussed. I miss Him loads and I am struggling but the more I am the observer, the more I allow light to enter my dark world. The more I am in the present, the more I feel His love and presence. It is in the connection, focus and merging with the Formless that we see Baba ji again. Every day, I do meet Baba ji and I receive His love, I touch His feet and receive that warm embrace of His. This can be our way, and I need to surrender my struggle to Satguru Mata ji. I will trip and fall but She will pick me up. I will always miss Baba ji and I will still write about it because we are all sharing this grief collectively, but we have to at the same time, side by side, bring the message of Truth everywhere. And the message will always be in our thoughts and actions. Be aware, observe and be.
Thank you for reading. Please like, share and comment.
With Satguru’s love and blessings,
The moment I am in His presence, a dance occurs without steps, music occurs without sound, poetry occurs without words and my head bows to His feet – where all blessings are received. Bowing the head to the feet of the Spiritual Master – a sacred ritual that heightens a seeker’s spiritual experience. Why? The head which is the house of two things – one the ego/mind or the third eye. Once my head touches His lotus feet then I am submitting my ego/mind for the Divine Vision – the activation of the Third Eye.
The past two months have been unexplainable. All I know is that something within me has changed and access to a Higher Dimension has been opened with the kind Grace of the Beloved. The Beloved has shown me a love that I have never experienced in my life.
At this moment, my Beloved is on His way to India and I miss the fact that He is not here in Europe or North America. I spent my whole day fighting back tears because I have never felt separation like this before. I can only think of the time when my ex-girlfriend left me a couple of years back but ten times worse. But this is different. Let me explain…
This heartbreak has shattered my heart into billions of pieces but yet my heart has never felt as fulfilled as ever. My Master, my Beloved who I used to experience only as the Form – His human form as an object of worship, He has opened a new dimension where He Himself has become Formless – the very essence that He points to all the time.
In recognition of the Formless much is discovered if one is willing to explore into the Nature of this Reality. Let me put it frankly – enlightenment is not an option. You were born enlightened and you must die enlightened. Enlightenment is what God is. Realisation of the Formless is enlightenment. So when your Guru becomes Formless for you then you have entered an interesting phase because this love has no opposite, it has no end nor a beginning, it has never been born and will never die then you are entering a new dimension. You have attained something and now you must come to terms with it.
I love my Guru like anything. I am very attached to the Form more than I should be. However, He has changed this and now He is experienced in the Formless, He is everywhere and His beautiful Form is always seen and felt. This dimension is vast and I know the next steps because the Guidance of the Guru continues. Remain open so He can answer and change your life. If you stop at one place, or one dimension then you have limited the Guru but how can you limit the Limitless? It is impossible. You have to go beyond all dimensions to then enter the state where it is dimensionless. Only then is the Formless perceived in full glory! What a glimpse! What a vision! I bow at my Master’s feet – this is where all treasures are!
I am in constant meditation, His remembrance is happening automatically and my mind and body are coming to terms with it. Oh Formless Beloved, only Your kind grace and blessings can calm this tempest!
I am a traveller in the Formless,
I am travelling alone,
The Beloved and Formless are within all,
Rahul makes this declaration my friends!
His love and blessings,
I stared at this Path with His wondrous Self,
I looked into His eyes that smiled freely,
He anticipated my doubts and delusions,
All He did was walk ahead of me as if in ignorance.
I watched a doubt arise and delusion in despair,
He would turn around every time with a smile,
To check if I was still focussed,
Or was I about to lose to the wavering mind?
He stopped by a tree that was ready to blossom,
He touched the centre of my forehead,
A gust of wind appeared out of nowhere,
Stood still by the tree as if seeking permission.
It felt that now that time had stopped,
Was I about to receive the Teaching I longed for?
His compassion and mercy pierced my heart,
I had no desire but to learn of the Artist of this Art!
He didn’t utter a word nor give a sound,
Nor a sign or a hint to offer as a guide.
He closed His eyes and I followed Him,
Little did I know what was in store for me!
I got sucked into a swirling vortex
My senses defeated so who am I?
Everything came to a screeching halt,
Colours of mist appeared never seen before.
My Guru walked ahead of me on the Path,
Not because He is first and I am second.
He made sure nothing hurt me on the Path,
His feet bruised and my feet untouched.
How these visions appeared without intention,
As if the Truth felt obliged to reveal,
My Guru surrounded me yet nowhere to be seen,
What do I do amongst indescribable colours?
A blink of an eye and I was back on the Path,
The Guru with His eyes open featured beaming smile,
The gust of wind stood still like a guard,
A clap and the blossom rained from above.
The path filled with flowers and petals,
This was the moment the heavens celebrated,
Perceptions heightened accessing all dimensions,
I had finally realised who I am.
This only happens with the Guru’s grace,
The Truth comes to you not the other way round.
The Truth in fact is always here,
Do we realise its access is eternal-bound?
Without the Guru the path is dull and dark,
Even realisation will bring you pain and hurt,
Everything is smooth once the task is complete,
Until then the Guru is everything you do not seek.
He will shatter every belief you possess,
Question every ritual you do in spiritual pretence,
Create situations to test your emotions,
Losing your balance is it He that you will hold?
The Guru is the glistening Reality,
That is Self-revealing and Self-created,
It neither needs ‘me’ nor ‘you’
This is the objectivity the Guru requires.
Bliss descends upon you from the Beyond,
This is blessing from the Blissful Beloved,
Standing in front of me with no form to see,
Just a Formless Self an endless Presence.
The intense longing for the Truth, the strongest desire for the perception of Reality, the heartbreaking moments of losing everything and everyone even your own self for the sake of enlightenment is the beauty of devotion. Dancing like there is nobody watching, dancing by yourself without the need of music because the sound of the universe vibrates around you. Singing like there is nobody listening, singing by yourself without the need of the audience because the only spectator is the Formless One. Speaking like there is nobody listening, speaking with yourself without the need of appreciation, speaking just because you are sharing your heartfelt experiences with the Divinity that is within you, that surrounds you and that permeates within every aspect of creation and yet at the same time is beyond creation.
It is a shame that the western audience for Hinduism, specifically for Advaita Vedanta or nonduality or even neo-advaita is shunning devotion because they feel the intellect can reach the highest state of knowledge. Frankly, it cannot and it never will. They praise Kabir, Shiva, Rumi and yet, the miss the fundamental practice they had and that is bhakti or devotion. They had a strong passion for the Formless and the one who revealed the Formless to them. They praised their Gurus and today, we have become sceptics, albeit not for the wrong reasons, we have not opened our hearts to the Guru.
Self-realisation or God-realisation is impossible without the grace of the Guru. The disciple feels that the Guru is absolutely needed and the Guru will feel equally as dedicated and passionate towards his disciple. I know for a fact that the Satguru or True Teacher is out there, literally in love with his devotees and sacrifices everything he has for them. Devotion is impossible without a Guru.
Here is a poem by Rumi:
Once again my beloved sought me and found
Joyously in the marketplace sought me and found.
I hid myself, at my feet that drunken rose, rose from the ground
I escaped the House of Wine, sought me and found.
How wondrous that so doggedly would hound
What luck that such swindling lock sought me and found.
Who would find me if with crowds myself surround?
Knower of crowded secrets sought me and found.
I have left a bloody trail; just look around
And the one on my trail sought me and found.
Run away to what avail, deathward bound
Why hide, a thousand times sought me and found.
I pulled the thorn from my side, yet one more round
That oak towering flowerbeds sought me and found.
Like a pearl at the bottom of ocean, drowned
Pearl diver, with a string sought me and found.
Shams-e Tabriz with piercing eyes and no sound
In the light of insight sought me and found.
Kabir also says:
Even if the whole earth is transformed into paper,
with all the big trees made into pens,
And if the entire water in the seven oceans are transformed into writing ink,
Even then the glories of the Guru cannot be written.
So much is the greatness of the Guru.
Today, devotion needs to be celebrated and observed correctly. It is not just about passionate love and affection but it is the route to grow within spiritually. Knowledge transforms into wisdom by the act of devotion. Having the intense love to be there with the Beloved, the Formless One. Without the Formless, there is no love for even the forms around us. With Advaita Vedanta and other paths, you may negate until you reach the Formless, but to stay with the Formless, you have to learn to love the Formless unconditionally. Only then does the realisation stay with you. Only then does wonder and awe become an everyday part of your life. Only then do you become an explorer of Reality and Wisdom. This is only when the intense longing of the Formless is within us. To truly be wise, is to truly long for the Formless. The Formless is Reality. The Formless created consciousness. You can only understand the nature of consciousness, if you understand the nature of the Formless.
The Formless is shapeless, ceaseless, boundless, birthless, deathless, self-existent, colourless, endless, without a beginning, full of love, compassion, radiating with peace and harmony, celebrating the oneness of all things. The Formless can be yours but can you let go and surrender to the Formless.
Surrender is not letting go of you, it is letting go of who you think you are. When you surrender then you truly find yourself. Then you truly discover who you are and this Reality will stay with you. Surrender is only possible in duality, once you enter the nondual state then who will it be that surrenders. In the grand scheme of it, it is the Formless surrendering to the Formless. Surrender removes any aspect of the ego that can disturb the process of enlightenment. The chances of surrender become higher with keeping in the company of like-minded people, serving others selflessly and constantly remembering the Formless is within you and around you. Remembering the Formless not as a form of repetition but as a form of daily practice. Every feeling, every intention, every emotion and every thought must be done with the remembrance of the nature of the Formless.
Devotion is the key to spiritual enlightenment. It can be done instantly and it all depends on how much you really want to be enlightened by the Formless One. The path of devotion is simple and it is simple because the Formless is simple. It doesn’t need to be complicated by massive words which mean nothing. The less you want the Formless then frankly the longer it will take you to be enlightened. It is not if you become enlightened either, you already are but the ego will always make a goal or a meaning out of it. Being on the path of devotion, you have to let go of meaning, of concept and context. You simple have to be in this moment. This moment reveals the eternal. Give time to the Timeless and you will see a moment transform into eternity. Devotion adds juice to your journey. Without it, your faith, your practice will stand like a wilted tree, bored and secluded in the desert. However, devotion will be like an oasis in the desert. Not only does the oasis enjoy itself but others feel blessed by the presence of the oasis. They also drink the nectar that leads them into immortality.
The path of devotion is extremely important. I would go far to say that it is the best way to God, to the Formless, to Reality or whatever you would like to call it. You can even curse This, and if you do it out of love and passion then it will reveal itself unto you. It is not partial to words. You think God is so sad that He analyses each word. He knows you analyse it yourself and you yourself provide your own punishment. God neither punishes nor congratulates. He has left that to You!
His Love and Blessings,
Rahul N Singh