A space, infinitesimal space, a gap in the middle, The mind still, caught in the middle ground, Observing, observer and observation suspended, That, with no definition, makes It's presence felt, It isn't exclusive, It is available to everybody, Try to monopolize It, watch It disappear in an instant, It doesn't seek to convince, It doesn't like language, It prefers if silence communicates, silence It is.
The presence of a thought appeared this morning, Fresh and crisp as if it was ironed out completely, I wonder how this thought came into my psyche, When the thought went away, I was in mourning. This thought appeared initially dusty and worn, As if lying somewhere completely old and withdrawn, It was from the dark mind of insidious scorn, Today the mind decided it was to be re-born. So back to the same old thought I travelled again, On this trip I went on the journey with the thought, And then I came to clarity in a flash of zazen, Stillness and stability of mind that I finally caught.
I take a look in the mirror of my mind now and then, And I ask myself how many more talks are needed? My mind runs through each talk with a quickening pace, Often losing track of what was spoken a second ago. I take a look in the mirror of my mind now and then, And I ask myself how many more books are needed? My mind passes through multiple books simultaneously, Forgetting unique perspectives from the previous chapter. I take a look in the mirror of my mind now and then, And I ask myself what more is there that I can do? My mind gently tells me to keep practicing, And I ask it again again on what I should practice on? I took one last look in the mirror of my mind, My mind presented every thought and emotion held, Then one by one it took each thought and emotion away, Until nothing was left and my mind disappeared with it.
Today, I was remembering a dear friend, my closest friend and who’s presence I deeply miss as each day passes by. How in one glance, all that I needed to say, was understood.
Sometimes, when I feel all alone, He is the first person that I think of and I smile in the sweet memories that I have of Him. Then an overwhelming sense of grief fills my eyes in the fact that He is physically no longer here.
It was beautiful to know that a human being existed that didn’t judge me, that didn’t make assumptions about me, that didn’t think the worst of me and I guess sometimes I wish everyone was like this.
His innocence that filled the room with love, His sweet nature made many rejoice and His absence gave meaning to a God that has lost meaning in the rising wave of material desires.
His silence filled a vacuum with an energy that buzzed, that tingled with grace and this is when God felt present in the human standing before me. Who could deny God whilst looking at Him?
Each day going by since He departed, has been difficult, each step more difficult than the last. I often wonder why I am still left here and then I realize that I am yet to complete the task that He gave to me.
Maybe we will meet again once the project of enlightenment is complete, then we shall sip on tea and eat digestive biscuits. I will be able to hear the melody in His voice and absorb His meditation contained in His silence.
Miss You my dear Baba ji, how I wish to tell you that your Rahul is nothing without his Hardev.
I have withheld all my thoughts at the cliff edge of my mind,
A step further and the emptiness will be filled again,
Many times I have gone over the cliff,
Trashing myself into an ocean of thoughts.
Why do I lose the beauty of an empty mind?
Why do I not allow the song to continue?
Where the Sacred Aum surrounds me,
Yet my thoughts seem to drown me.
I've let thoughts win each time,
Not that this is a battle on my side,
Each time I seek for the Sacred Aum,
More noise seems to appear at the Gate.
Acting like a great host - I let the noise in,
Suddenly my house is frantic with chaos,
I often stand by and watch this drama unfold,
And again I enter into the Sacred Aum.
When the noise has finally entered into a melody,
When the heaviness of thought enters a lighter state,
When sorrow dissolves into an intoxication,
I am bliss, transforming into Formless Awareness.
In a reflective mood tonight,
To check where I am at the end of 2016,
Another year has whizzed by,
With it blessings and losses,
The blessing is my marriage,
The loss is the Guru that I loved more than anything,
Snatched away in a moment,
Without a glimmer of hope of survival,
The One whom I still feel is alive
Would appear lifeless in the month of May.
I want to say that this year has been great,
But that would be a lie,
The aloneness I feel is not ordinary,
It seems like I have been forced into it,
I have had the aloneness look at me,
And I give in to it and the darkness is embraced.
Then I have a beautiful wife,
Who is like an angelic light
Who whispers to me that I am never alone,
And I smile and feel okay on the surface,
With the Light entering the roots of my mind eventually.
The tears that I shed contain my sadness and happiness,
The joys of being with someone who reminds me of Him,
Then the sadness of realising He is no longer here,
Although the presence of our Satguru is everywhere,
It can never be destroyed or even created,
It is transferred in every moment,
From one cell to one universe,
It is difficult to not be able to hear a response,
To have a hug and forget my troubles,
To have that one glance where our eyes meet,
I will know in that instance that God is here,
And I miss this interaction more and more everyday.
I may be lost today and trying to find my feet,
I may try to live in a reality where You are here,
Baba ji, it is not easy being without You,
For me a Guru is never born nor dies,
That is why I cannot understand this ‘death’,
You are aliveness and Fullness,
You are Formless and Boundless,
You are the Soundless Sound,
You are the Gateless Gate,
In 2017 this is what I need to reawaken,
I know where I am failing,
And that is where I will be picking myself up,
2016 has been a lesson not a defeat,
And 2017 will be lessons learned.
As much as I write,
I can never touch the glory of the Creator,
I cannot write even a single letter.
The power lies in the word,
Once the word is understood,
It is heard in all directions,
It becomes the Friend of your heart.
I have tried to write about This One,
Who has shown me just a glimpse of Him,
And I am failing to write a single atom to Him,
His Vastness has no bounds and is infinite.
When He is fully realised,
This pen will not be able to lifted,
The beauty of the Formless is indescribable,
Silence fails to even comprehend Him.
My Formless, I surrender to You,
Let the Pen of Realisation re-write my mind,
Let the Pen of Realisation re-write my heart,
Let the Pen of Realisation re-write my soul,
Wherever and however I am approached,
May it only be You – Formless One,
That is experienced by all.
Surrendering I am singing Your praises,
Surrendering I am writing Your praises,
Surrendering I am hearing Your praises,
Surrendering I am walking Your praises,
Surrendering I am forever alive,
Whoever surrenders is never born nor dies.
This pain calms down and settles,
You feel that it is still and grounded,
Suddenly you are swept away,
Struggling to think as a wave crashes against you.
Then you realise it is an earthquake
Everything is crumbling down,
A tornado vacuums all your happiness,
And then it all stops.
You would call this a time of disaster
But now nothing is happening,
And this nothing feels like a disaster.
Atleast the activity kept me busy,
Now all I have is myself
And I don’t know where I have gone.
I went out on a journey,
Travelling against land and sea,
Still my Beloved is missing.
I seek for those eyes,
I seek for that smile,
I seek for that embrace,
I feel lost without You,
I am all alone at sea,
No activity not even myself,
Enlightenment without You
Feels like I am all alone.
I remember speaking to a manager
She didn’t approve of a management style of
another manager who managed me.
She told me a simple thing
And it should apply to everyone
‘Do not become a mood hoover!’
It got me thinking alot
We all have bad days at work
Sometimes it becomes overwhelming
It can get the better of us
But why let it get the better of us?
We are incharge of our own lives
Why should our state of mind
Be at the will of others?
Yes, if you must show emotion at work
Do that and don’t hold back.
If you can look at the situation objectively
Then right course of action is taken.
If no answer is coming to you
Then simply do not react,
Otherwise something that is a molehill
Will undoubtedly take shape of a mountain.
The worse thing is when you come home
Or you go to see your friends
And you act all moody and down.
We all have our troubles and problems
Nobody is exempt from experiencing this.
Begin to understand the nature of your feelings,
Understand how your energy passes into a room.
A wise man once told me personally that
Are you that person who enters a room
And people stand up to leave? Or
Are you that person who enters a room
And the room lights up with joy?
If you cannot find happiness in yourself
If you cannot find joy in yourself
You will NEVER find it in another.
That person will become a reflection
Of what your state of being truly is.
When you come back from work
Meet others with a grand smile.
Give them positive energy
Because when their times are tough
You may be the only hope they have
The only thought they will possess
When they feel overwhelmed.
The moment I am in His presence, a dance occurs without steps, music occurs without sound, poetry occurs without words and my head bows to His feet – where all blessings are received. Bowing the head to the feet of the Spiritual Master – a sacred ritual that heightens a seeker’s spiritual experience. Why? The head which is the house of two things – one the ego/mind or the third eye. Once my head touches His lotus feet then I am submitting my ego/mind for the Divine Vision – the activation of the Third Eye.
The past two months have been unexplainable. All I know is that something within me has changed and access to a Higher Dimension has been opened with the kind Grace of the Beloved. The Beloved has shown me a love that I have never experienced in my life.
At this moment, my Beloved is on His way to India and I miss the fact that He is not here in Europe or North America. I spent my whole day fighting back tears because I have never felt separation like this before. I can only think of the time when my ex-girlfriend left me a couple of years back but ten times worse. But this is different. Let me explain…
This heartbreak has shattered my heart into billions of pieces but yet my heart has never felt as fulfilled as ever. My Master, my Beloved who I used to experience only as the Form – His human form as an object of worship, He has opened a new dimension where He Himself has become Formless – the very essence that He points to all the time.
In recognition of the Formless much is discovered if one is willing to explore into the Nature of this Reality. Let me put it frankly – enlightenment is not an option. You were born enlightened and you must die enlightened. Enlightenment is what God is. Realisation of the Formless is enlightenment. So when your Guru becomes Formless for you then you have entered an interesting phase because this love has no opposite, it has no end nor a beginning, it has never been born and will never die then you are entering a new dimension. You have attained something and now you must come to terms with it.
I love my Guru like anything. I am very attached to the Form more than I should be. However, He has changed this and now He is experienced in the Formless, He is everywhere and His beautiful Form is always seen and felt. This dimension is vast and I know the next steps because the Guidance of the Guru continues. Remain open so He can answer and change your life. If you stop at one place, or one dimension then you have limited the Guru but how can you limit the Limitless? It is impossible. You have to go beyond all dimensions to then enter the state where it is dimensionless. Only then is the Formless perceived in full glory! What a glimpse! What a vision! I bow at my Master’s feet – this is where all treasures are!
I am in constant meditation, His remembrance is happening automatically and my mind and body are coming to terms with it. Oh Formless Beloved, only Your kind grace and blessings can calm this tempest!
I am a traveller in the Formless,
I am travelling alone,
The Beloved and Formless are within all,
Rahul makes this declaration my friends!
His love and blessings,