Jealousy has no place in any relationship

It is interesting at how you, the individual, is at the center of the world and then you are married/long-term relationship and the center grows, you have children and the center grows more.  Eventually, you realize that you are there to serve the others to support the center. However, what happens when jealousy and self-centered behavior creeps in? What happens to those relationships?

Jealousy is damaging in any relationship and sometimes we do not even realize how childish we can be when we moan about what other people are doing and why aren’t we given the same respect or why aren’t we invited to the same party etc. The resentment that grows ends up affecting our relationships and no matter how one may act in front of the person they are jealous of, the subtle energy of intention will always creep in, and the vibe is always felt.

When we are in a relationship, we do retain some individuality and that is healthy. We cannot be at the complete beck and call of the other. However, if we are so stubborn that we think the other person, our partner must do what we say and must act upon what we want them to do then that relationship will not last. It will decay and when resentment is felt once then it’s hard to get rid of them. Sometimes, the remarks we make about our relationships hint upon the resentment that is felt deep within. No matter, what someone may say on the surface, the words mention normally have an iota of truth.

Sometimes I joke around and my wife does get a little upset because my comments may portray a feeling that I have not expressed to her. She is damn right to be upset and I may try to pacify her with that it’s a joke but she knows jokes very well, especially mine. My jokes always have a deeper meaning to them. I have slowly learned that I have to express to my wife my feelings and it is hard for an introvert like me but I have got much better. If I need to address something then I will try and solve it that night but it’s always my wife that looks to resolve things before I do.

I truly look up to my wife because of the way she views things and even if I don’t agree with her (which I express), we always leave things on a positive note. The most important thing for me is to never make the relationship about me but about us and it’s easy to make it about me – my feelings, my intentions, my wants and needs, my desires and really things flow much more smoothly when I change the ‘my’ to ‘our’.

Even if our wants, desires and so on need to merge together, sometimes they simply will not and that is okay. It means for the sake of our relationship, it isn’t necessary. Frankly, the relationship comes first because our happiness is tied to it, yet free from it too.

The Beauty of Laughter

Laughter is an important part of a relationship, it enhances it a great deal. It is truly beautiful to just laugh and look into each other’s eyes and be playful to the moment. It is something of tremendous importance that we sometimes overlook because of the seriousness of every day life.

We are constantly worried about the bills, about the next pay check, the next grocery shopping that we forget that even if we are on top of things and comfortable, without any laughter or joy, our relationships would matter very little for us.

Laughter has a quality of bringing you closer to your friends and loved ones. There is an intimacy with laughter that nobody can truly explain except that it makes relationships and their bonds stronger and more resilient to negative forces.

Laughter brings about a positivity that makes a dark room light up, a dark mind light up, a dark soul light up.

Freedom in the Formless

silhouette of person near wall
Photo by fikret kabay on Pexels.com

As I sat in contemplation last night at a gathering last night, I kept thinking of the words in the title of this blog – Freedom in the Formless. It felt like an inner voice guiding me that I had to write about this and explore what it meant.

I regularly attend a spiritual gathering and the fundamental teaching is that we are all formless and that we can understand this by understanding that the world that we see around us is eventually formless when we break it all down. When we know that beyond the universe is formless, we can contemplate within that we are also Formless.

I find this to be a very powerful thought, which in the beginning it simply is a thought. Then as we begin to contemplate on it, meditate on it, we slowly begin to feel like the Formless and then we become Formless. The closest material to the Formless is love. In fact, love helps us a lot in spirituality. My wife is amazing at helping me grow spiritually and ensuring that I don’t remain stagnant. She is a perfect mirror for me and every time I think of her, I am overwhelmed with this sense of unconditional love. I don’t know why I love her, I just do. I don’t mean to be all romantic here, but simply stating we can feel spiritual concepts within our own homes and that my wife has allowed me to dive back into my spirituality.

The one thing that I love is when I express how I feel about the day with my wife, I express my emotions and I have slowly seen how anger is slipping away from me. There was a time maybe in 2013/2014 where I didn’t experience anger at all. It just never happened. Many things could have stirred that anger but I was so drenched in my experiences of the Formless, anger just couldn’t rise. I didn’t overcome it, I let it rest for a while.

Then in 2017, my anger started coming back. Questions appeared and no answers were good enough. The problem was not about the answers that people gave, they gave the best answers they could but I had the answers within me all the time. However, I didn’t have the time to look at my own answers. I was angry with the world, angry with the circumstances and most of all, angry at the lack of love. Which is hilarious when I think about it, being angry at the lack of love. However, it felt so true at the time. I couldn’t understand how far we stepped back when it came to following spiritual principles that were held on to so tightly like love, understanding, forgiveness and acceptance.

Yesterday, while talking to my wife, I expressed that there was a time in my life when I didn’t get angry. I would raise my voice a little but it never grew into anger. I stayed calm for most of the time as I was so aware of my own self. My wife very beautifully asked – “But you meditated a lot back then?” and I replied that I did and that I used to wake up at 4am in the morning and meditate for an hour (Thank you Dad for waking me up at 4am). I got rid of a lot of the emotions that disturbs the peace of humans. However, in 2017 and especially 2018, my anger and those other disturbing emotions came back again. The only answer was and is a lack of meditation and awareness that I am formless. Not conceptually but experientially.

It has been in recent times that I have noticed my anger has been a regular visitor to my consciousness. It feels like a guest that has overstayed its welcome. I keep showing it the door but it keeps staying for yet another night. The only reason this happens is because I choose to let the Formless stay out for another night.

Although, I haven’t spoken much about what freedom in the formless means but this is reflective of a past that was good but a present that has all the possibility of becoming better. All that is needed is for me to go into that wisdom that shows me that within me, it is all Formless. In this vast experience, where is anger, jealousy, greed, lust or pride? These tiny specks of the human experience have enlarged themselves so much that they live in the majority of our days. I feel it is a time to bring an end to that. How do we do that? Awareness, we need to become aware of our own awareness.

How much am I aware in the day that my body is Formless? How much am I aware in the day that my mind is Formless? How much am I aware in the day that I am simply the Formless? In fact, how much am I aware that there is nothing but the Formless? Do I dive into these contemplations everyday? Maybe we should try it out for a week. See how it goes and what happens. It is an experiment where the only thing you could lose is your ego – the nucleus of all the negative emotions.

Let’s come back to this next week and share what we have discovered.

Post 42 – God is not but Formless Consciousness is!

Some things have to be cleared up. I had realised that my statement ‘I know God does not exist’ had created certain misunderstandings. I received a private message on Twitter today saying ‘With your current belief – shouldn’t you believe in God?’ It is a very valid question and I think he meant in terms of my religion or the spiritual institution/movement that I follow and have trust in. I replied saying I will write the answer on my blog.

First of all, I am definitely standing next to my previous statements that God does not exist. Now, let’s make this clear as far as I am concerned I don’t believe in a man in a sky and neither do I think God is a creator and is separate to our existence. I also want to maintain that God did not create religion and if he did, I am sure he doesn’t like the outcome. Even if he did exist – someone as humble as God wouldn’t really care if you believed in him or not. Now can you see what I have done there – I have made God sound really human. This is what my problem with God is. If anything we have humanised God and there can be no denial about that. Why would God feel love when it is an emotion of our mind? Why would God want to create fear within us against him? If he is supreme – we don’t need to mould him into some form of a dictator. So I don’t believe in any religion or movement/institution that humanises God! Once you do this to God then he loses all meaning.

The other thing is I have stated that God is Formless. Now I want to remove God – as you can see from above I don’t want to humanise my definition. Therefore, take time to understand this. I have called God – consciousness, cosmic energy, godliness, creativity and the reason for this is okay – you cannot see the first three descriptions – they have to be felt. You have to go beyond the mind to comprehend this. Creativity is what this existence does – it continues to create and expand. We can see the evidence of this all around us and it goes beyond our galaxies to other galaxies. Now if God is Formless then full stop. You can describe it but it will not be the true taste. If something is formless, you cannot add anything human into it. It is beyond our intelligence – hence I don’t classify myself an atheist. I don’t believe this Formless Consciousness will judge you, will determine if you are a sinner, will punish you or even save you. This Formless Consciousness is within us, around us and everywhere, it is upto us to connect with it, we have to realise it, we have to unite with it. So we have to remove God because he has a baggage and I feel the centuries of baggage has really began to stink. Therefore, I wish to call it Formless Consciousness.

People may say I do not believe in God…I agree. Any religion or movement/institution that adds ‘qualities’ to God then that God does not exist. God is beyond these silly human qualities. Read Tao. This Consciousness is ultimately nameless because you can only experience it, and it is the only experience which the human language cannot describe. I don’t believe in mainstream religion and its God but I know for sure that this Consciousness is everywhere, it is around us and it is within us. It is silent. It has no language. You have to remove everything material to it to understand it. I am not an atheist and I am not a theist. If I can’t describe this Formless Consciousness in its totality then you simply cannot describe my stance on ‘God’!

I hope now some people will understand me a lot clearly and it cannot get more simple than this. However, to be honest I am sure the more I find the answer within, the more simple it gets.

Stay blessed

Rahul N Singh

PS. Will announce my book on Friday! Stay tuned!

Lego Layers

One moment,

Nice and then nasty.

Breaking me apart,

But don’t let me start.

I know you hate me,

Hatred can never set you free.

Freedom constriction,

Self-manipulation.

Depreciating apologies,

I’m laughing at your absurdity.

I’m spreading positivity,

You’re promoting negativity.

What you say is opposite,

to what your mouth bites.

You’re an architect of lego,

Building layers on your ego.

It’s time for us to grow,

Don’t give me another freak show.

You can doubt me all you like,

One day my stardom will strike.

When you meet me as a star,

You’d be a distant memory so far.

Forgive my sins right now,

Or your enmity will grow.

If my true words pierce pain,

My love will put pain down the drain.

Embrace the love I gave,

Take the step that is brave.

Practice what you preach,

Goodness is not hard to reach.

Hope you like this poem guys. A little experiment aswell as the state of my mind right now. It is here, there and everywhere but it can be understood.

Lots of love and God bless,

Rahul N Singh