Planning is an essential tool to being prepared for the present but more so, live the present so the plan is executed. Nothing ever goes to plan but the effort never goes to waste. Being prepared, understanding what failed and what succeeded provides hints to what the future beholds.
Our behavior changes when we understand that we are liable for our own self. How much can we blame the outside society, our genes for who we are. If we think we can change, then you can change. It is as simple as that. If you can imagine it, then all you need to do is take one step forward to make it a reality.
Live life but make sure you are always safe – physically, mentally and financially. Eat wisely, think wisely and spend wisely. Spend time or money on what increases your intelligence more than anything else. More knowledge can mean a better planner, an imagination that reaches far and wide and being in the present brings an awareness that only a few ever encounter.
Growing up with a thirst for spiritual awakening was not easy as I had to study and build a life thereon. Studying for me was boring because it was forced upon me and inside I knew that I would probably never use half of the things I learned in high school. I was right about that but my thirst for spiritual awakening was also growing, as I became more thirsty, several mirages appeared in my life to distract me – whether it was women, intoxicants, wealth etc.
Eventually these mirages were ignored after several years of going through these experiences as if they were true. I look back at the past and think I was so sure I was doing the best thing for me and now I almost regret some of it. However, what has been done has been done. I have to move forward.
As several mirages appeared again, I knew it was right to let them be as they were but not be allured towards them. I was then clear for spiritual awakening, so I thought but such experiences never come easy even if you have the tool to instantaneously get it.
The mirage of concepts was very heavy and while I got rid of some concepts through careful analysis on their validity, I ended up created some more concepts and down again I went down the rabbit hole. From saying there is a god to know saying there isn’t a god – I was firm on both these concepts at one time and now – I don’t know even though the answer is very, very clear to me.
Two things I had never let go of: One was my love for my Spiritual Master and two was my meditation. Even though, I tried to stay clear from my Spiritual Master, I understood that something else was being played. Even though I disagreed a lot with some of the philosophy that His organization taught, it was later discovered through my own meditation that those were my philosophies and not His. This was when I realized that our perception had to be cleansed in order to truly understand a philosophy as it is and not how you interpret it.
Let’s just say that the way I see the philosophy now is very simple – the realization of the Formless Self, is the realization of your True Self. The Spiritual Master just points at that Formless Self. It is up to you whether you look at the Formless Self or take a little detour with looking at the Spiritual Master. If you do take the detour, it becomes dangerous territory because you may love the Master but your mind has not realized it’s true self so therefore, your Master will be judged by you – even if it is a positive judgement. Any judgment will not let you see something clearly.
As I mentioned, I stayed away from my Master while I was going through this major analysis, but I was very devoted to meditation and meditated a lot. I was working and would wake up as early as 4am and meditate for an hour, then read for two hours and then get ready for work. It so happened, that on a Saturday, I started meditating again around 9am and as I was focussing on empty space for a while, I saw the tiniest dot of Light appear and I was amazed at this. I floated in this empty space and went near it and I heard a sound that simply said ‘Before this, I am,’ and I just saw this dot expand and the whole of creation was presented to me. I couldn’t contain myself and took myself out of the meditative state. I didn’t know what I experienced other than there had to be something before creation.
I have never forgotten this experience but it came back to me three weeks ago. This time, the tiniest dot was not seen but empty space was taken away from me and I came to an absolute stillness and centered my whole focus on that stillness. I was so taken aback by it that it felt like I had been there for 10 minutes when in fact, it had only been around 30 seconds. It was an intense experience. I realized one major thing – it didn’t matter whether this is god or not – there is only stillness. Call it whatever you want now to personalize it. I totally understand why we name it. Yes, it certainly dilutes what It Is but people need something to relate to and the easiest thing to do is to name it.
I enjoyed this experience and I have noticed how it continuously presents itself to me without any desire from my side. It’s presence cannot be ignored by me. It only then occurred to me that my Spiritual Master had told me about this around 5 years ago. He held his right hand out, His palm facing His stomach, maybe 15 cm away from His stomach and with His left hand waving in between the right hand and the stomach said “You have to be aware of this, it is stillness. Keep focusing on this awareness.” Little did I know that after almost 3 years of His departure from His physical form would this golden nugget of wisdom make sense to me and I would understand it.
The mirage I had then was that a Spiritual Master is only the physical body, this is a massive illusion. The teachings are of an eternal nature and so is the presence of the Master. It is now that I truly appreciate everything that has been taught to me. I am still learning, discovering and in fact, I am more eager to learn than I probably was in my teens. Spirituality has no end in terms of literature but in the end it is your own experience that matters. Use the literature to inspire you, refuse to let it be a concept.
A few weeks ago, I had my second spiritual awakening, the sight towards enlightenment is also on the horizon. All gratitude goes to my Spiritual Master.
Sometimes I sit alone, this can be when I am in a crowded place too with people I know and I am conversing with them. Imagine that?! Feeling alone is the best feeling ever. When you see yourself disconnected from everything yet so connected that even nuances and subtleties are observed.
Sometimes sitting down alone, actually alone with just me is the greatest form of liberation. Why? I don’t like giving attention to those things that do not need it. I am not over-sensitive to the way people react to me aslong as I remember that it is not ‘me’ who they are speaking to but simply a projection of their own brilliant imagination. This all changes when you see Reality as it is, it becomes second nature to know that the projection is hiding the real face. This is what Truth brings to you. It gives you Reality. It gives you what feels and is experienced as Real.
Sensitivity is a must but not at the expense of your own emotions or taking offence to tiny matters. Being sensitive to life is very different to being sensitive to the whole drama that we seem to believe is life. Being sensitive to life means that you are in totality with it, you enjoy every bit of life. Every information is decoded into the Reality that is to be seen and you feel that connection to the One that created it all. However, being sensitive to drama simply means that a situation occurs and you make it a massive deal. Instead of trying to understand, you fall straight into the emotional turbulence and you are rocking to and fro creating havoc not only in your mind but definitely in others.
If you realised that you are responsible for how you feel. If you can accept that everything you feel is because of you then you will enforce a transformation. But who is willing to take this responsibility? Who really wants to take the blame for the idiocy and stupidity? It has to be a stroke of madness added with a sprinkle of genius to say ‘I am responsible for how I feel and for what thoughts I allow to run wild in my mind.’ When you accept this then transformation is waiting for you. Not mere change. Change is temporary and transformation is permanent. If you want the solution to be everlasting then choose transformation. But if you love putting unnecessary drama in your life and in the life of others then choose change because that way your idiocy and stupidity can be hidden very well.
We all have a choice and I must say that when I took responsibility for what I felt – solutions appeared without me having to do any background work. It is easier to accept that one was wrong. It is not a moment to feel guilty. Again, feeling guilty is just another way of attention seeking! Move on. Once you accept that you are in charge then that will be the last time you will ever recognise ‘you’ as the personality. You will become something larger than life and that is really what life is all about.
Everyday can feel like a test. Anything you do, you may find peace in it and then suddenly something has to disturb it. Or a situation occurs and you question whether it is to throw you two steps back or brings things forward.
Recently, I have found that I am being tested a lot. You feel that you are about to enter a comfortable few moments of your life and things seem to be working your way and then a blast from the past arrives and it weaves it’s sacred way into your present. You realise that this situation has arisen because there is a lesson to be learned but what is the lesson? What am I suppose to do? What is the best thing to do?
Inner turmoil appears and disappears, appears and disappears and finally you come to a nice sanctuary – your inner Self. Away from the hustle bustle of thought, the unnecessary chat, the falsifying expressions of emotion and feelings and the sanctuary feels like the best place to be…until it chucks you out.
You know that the best thing that happened to you was in the past and now that it makes your way into the present, you are a little confused. I say ‘you’ but I mean ‘I’! Here is my reflection and therefore I continue. You feel that the best thing wants you, it desires you abut there is a problem! The future is knocking and the present moment will not let it in. The future is shouting and expressing so much to lure you into giving up so that the present can feature the future. But neither the past nor future is real but only your present. Now, is your present worthy to keep the past or is it worthy to continue into the future.
Very rarely but it happens, you are chatting to someone whom you care about deeply, you feel high like as if you have taken a drug whenever you speak to this person. And although this person doesn’t admit it, they feel high after speaking to you. It’s amazing, it’s everything you want but whatever makes you high will result either in a crash landing or a safe landing.
The landing is always rough and uncontrollable. The future that looked stable has a new dimension added into it. The past wants a piece of it. And me, the present wants the past. No matter how many times it has let me down, disappointed me, distracted me, disturbed me, I find an incredible urge, desire, need to allow this past take charge of my present.
I am being really cryptic at the moment, using different styles because this is what happens when you become more intune with yourself. Nothing is ever linear. Nothing can occur in successive linear movement, life is full of waves, it travels in waves and it is best to surf on the tide!
People want answers and you can’t give any. Is there an answer? Do I need to give an answer? I don’t know. Do I need answers? Definitely. Maybe it is time to take a step back and see what I want. I need to take some time for myself and allow the limitations of my mind explore the vastness of what is occurring. Let life flow with absolute ease and beauty. Maybe the past can build in the present to create a wonderful future.
Answer: First of all, what is the past? The past is simply moments that you had lived. But the question is did you really live those moments of the past? Can you honestly say that the past is completely yours? It never is yours until you have complete awareness throughout each day. Love is always linked to the past. Everyone clings on to the past due to love. It keeps their hopes up of a reconciliation if they remember the past. The past relationships are always important as they teach us valuable lessons. But the love of the pasts tend to showcase our mistakes or our ex partner’s relationships. Don’t expect your ex-partner to own up to their mistakes. They may not see it as mistakes, which means they are bound to make the same mistakes again. Then there are people who learn and try to rectify their mistakes, they make sure that things improve in the future. Forget the future, they must concentrate on the current situation, the current moments. Completely aware of the ‘now’.
Sometimes, we do things by chance, or we take a leap of faith. Sometimes, it is living the past is what creates confusion. I always say that if you have someone that is willing to love you, then accept it. Accept the love. Accept the pure moment of it. Not many people have the opportunity to receive love. Even love is a very complex topic, let us say that the movies, novels, poems give you a false aroma about love. It is nothing like, he will do everything for you, he makes you smile, he makes you dance in joy, he makes your heart beat faster. This is just silly things. Love is a complete circle. It is something that is received, you cannot feel complete by giving love. You need to know how to receive it first. Receiving love is the most difficult aspect to do. It is the acceptance. Everyone believes the other has ‘bad or wrong intentions’, in fact it is your intentions that will bring all the force together to create the ‘bad or wrong intentions’. We must be open to love. We should not say no to it. Love is just a stage, it is not the complete picture. It is half a picture. The other half of the picture is hate. Where there is love, there is hate. They have to exist. In fact, the person you think is your true love is possibly the one you will hate the most eventually. The whole point of that hatred is that you also gave that same amount of love too.
So how does one transcend the whole dimension of love and hate. Then we must go a notch higher. We must look at compassion. Not the compassion that the priests and Gandhi talked about. The compassion in terms of the complete passion. Compassion’s definition in my words is very simple. Compassion is the continuous conscious passion. This is the last stage of ‘love’. That is true love. This true love is only attained, if you love who you are. If you love the person that you are, the person that you are completely aware of. You are aware of the passion. Passion is strong. It is very sexual but very sensual too. It is very sensitive. If you have someone that can give you compassion, they will be the best partners ever. Even if it is short-lived. However, those compassionate people, they know that the energy of love is within them first. It is them who share that passion. It is not really sharing either. It is something that can be caught. You catch it. It attached itself unto you like a sweet fragrance. Compassion makes you live in the moment. It doesn’t remind you of the past nor the future. Just the present. The present is called the present for a reason, it is a gift. You will never get it again. You must know what it is like to receive a gift. Those moments where you unwrap those presents. That is what it feels like when you live with complete awareness. Loving each moment.
The past should be forgotten. Especially the psychological side of it. Remember the facts but forget the feelings attached to it. If you love someone just the same today, right now, in the present then it does not matter about yesterday. Yesterday was a different day. Today is a new day. A special day is today. Yesterday is something you cannot change, it doesn’t have to affect your present and it will not, if you live in it today. Forget the future too, who knows if it will come. I wouldn’t say go for the safe option right now, go for the one that looks the most difficult. Take the risks. Love today not tomorrow. Be compassionate now not later. If you live in today, with compassion, with no psychological memory and with complete awareness then you can forget the past within seconds. It will melt in front of your own eyes.