The Struggle continues

grief

3 months ago, a world that was full of colour turned dull, a life full of light turned into darkness in just one moment. All that remained was the observer in me – the watcher was untouched by the sadness and grief that struck my mind and my whole world was shattered. I didn’t know where to look, what to feel, what to say, what to do. I was lost in a world that didn’t make sense anymore. That is what happens when you have surrendered everything to someone – to a Spiritual Master.

After surrendering to Baba ji (my Spiritual Master) I didn’t have to think about anything in my life. I knew that it was in safe hands and still is despise His demise. I know that He has made sure my life will be comfortable and He must have given me all the strength to continue until my body decides that it has run its course on this Earth. However, there was certainly a sense of stability and comfort knowing that Baba ji was alive in His form, you felt safe knowing that if you had an issue then you could see Him. It was His approachability that made Him our everything and today, it is that very approachability that myself and others miss and seek.

My life has taken a turn where I am struggling to cope with this loss. It is no normal bereavement. It is one of excruciating pain where even the Observer, the Witness, the God within us understands the soul’s pain in losing the One who gave it so much joy, happiness and celebration. I always have this image of my soul crying, all alone in the universe, searching frantically for Baba ji. It is lost and doesn’t know what to do. I don’t think losing Baba ji is something I wanted so early on in my life.

How can I explain that God had showed me God? How can I explain that it was God that showed me how to be human? How can I explain to others that God had shown me how to become God Himself? And now this very God, the one we all worship regardless of our different paths had now left His mortal form. Can you imagine the pain of a devotee losing Krishna, Buddha, Kabir, Rumi and other Great Spiritual Masters whilst they were alive? You just don’t want to imagine it but today that imagination that I avoided is now my reality.

The only reason I am living is to write His praises, to write about how loving He was and to give the world now and in the future – the story of Rahul and Hardev. It is not that I want to die tomorrow or even right now. I don’t want to die until it is the right time but I can’t stop expressing the pain that I feel and it is not wrong to feel this pain. I have lost my breath and I am suffocating and drowning and I am only beginning to swim again. It feels like I have just been born again and have to start life all over again. This is not easy when you are left without the Beloved. I wonder if I trip or fall, will I be saved? Will someone pick me up?

As this struggling heart continues on the path towards liberation, I know that we have Satguru (Spiritual Master) in a new form and we have to surrender to Mata ji with the same zeal and enthusiasm that we did for Baba ji. It will have its own challenges but we can see through it. It does not mean we will not grieve for Baba ji, the tears will always flow and we will only be telling others about the legend of Hardev – the sweetest, caring and compassionate Guru. In a world spread with turmoil, suffering, hatred, intolerance and jealousy, we will know of a man that defied those values and became an embodiment of peace, love, humility, tolerance, forgiveness and compassion. We lived and walked alongside this legendary being.

His one smile was always something that we all longed for whenever He was going to visit us, wherever that may be in the world, but I know for sure that Mata ji will give us the same loving smile. She did this for me the day after Baba ji’s funeral. It was something that I needed and I also need that right now. I seek the glimpse of the Satguru to give comfort to the pain that my heart feels for my Beloved. As a devotee, I have full trust in Mata ji and all devotees of Baba ji have to support Her vision.

On the note of forgiveness, we all know that Baba ji had left His mortal form in a car accident. That is exactly what it was – an accident. The quicker that we can accept this, the better it will be for our own advancement. I have only seen this as an accident and have placed no blame on anyone. The point is that I knew Baba ji told us to think with a broad mind. We all say that a leaf cannot move without Satguru’s grace but have some of us just said it to meet our own egoic needs? Satguru does all and we cannot become judges of what happened and who should be guilty or not. I find it incredibly inconsiderate to do so. Baba ji only told us to love and forgive and if we cannot do that for our brothers, our family then what tribute can we ever possibly pay to the Satguru who sacrificed His whole life to put a smile on our faces. Those in the car are also grieving like we are. The quicker we forgive and welcome them in our hearts then we can concentrate on our own grieving process with the right mindset and focus.

Our Beloved Baba ji was overflowing with love for us all and we need to be the same. He wasn’t the best human being for His own praise, far from it. He wanted us all to be like Him – hold the same values and become those very spiritual values. We can never let go of the target He set for us, we have to remain focussed. I miss Him loads and I am struggling but the more I am the observer, the more I allow light to enter my dark world. The more I am in the present, the more I feel His love and presence. It is in the connection, focus and merging with the Formless that we see Baba ji again. Every day, I do meet Baba ji and I receive His love, I touch His feet and receive that warm embrace of His. This can be our way, and I need to surrender my struggle to Satguru Mata ji. I will trip and fall but She will pick me up. I will always miss Baba ji and I will still write about it because we are all sharing this grief collectively, but we have to at the same time, side by side, bring the message of Truth everywhere. And the message will always be in our thoughts and actions. Be aware, observe and be.

Thank you for reading. Please like, share and comment.

With Satguru’s love and blessings,
Rahul

Temptation – A Positive Approach

temptation_to_no_avail_be46Temptation is annoying. Damn annoying and the annoying thing about this is the fact that you are in control of your temptations. What is it that triggers the temptation? What then fuels this temptation? Obviously, thought always gives energy to temptation or to anything that we wish to remove ourselves from.

Being on a vegan diet is difficult as it is. I recently went into Waitrose (I am not middle class) and they do quite a bit for us vegan peeps. They had these ginger – chocolately biscuit bites and they are pretty yum. However, I have put them in the freezer and I want one. I could give in to temptation as I salivate about them now or prove determination over temptation. Today, I wanted to avoid sweet things and wanted a healthy day. Trust me, when chocolate is scarce already then all you can think about is chocolate.

Temptation happens in all parts of life. The temptation to look at an attractive woman or come across an amazing and beautiful woman on instagram or facebook, especially the ones you know and you have that desire to pursue that temptation and then reality sticks its nose in it and it is all over. You start thinking of reasons why it cannot and should not work. You think of the last time she rejected you and stopped talking to you and mentioning how hot she looks may literally be the last nail in the coffin to any possibility of ‘something’ later. What is this ‘something’ beats me.

When I am meditating, I feel like putting my attention and awareness on the occasional itch on my arm. The itch that never occurs otherwise but suddenly finds it amusing to happen now. You can’t take the intensity of the meditation and 5 seconds feels like 5 hours. How can one be still? The temptation to move gets stronger and stronger. However, your determination wins, your willpower is victorious because no way will you let anything stop you from your goal.

The times when someone ignores you and you just want to tell them that it isn’t cool. They have posted on Facebook, Instagram or whatever. Nowadays, snapchat easily shows someone opening your post thing and they don’t reply to it. Sad times! However, why should people reply? That is attention seeking. My existence isn’t worth the response of every single person. It is mad and I don’t respond to everyone’s and that is because I think my life is the best! Madness I tell you!

Temptation is crazy and yet, it is what makes you grow. Be happy that you are tempted because it shows that you can make your willpower stronger and stronger. It is a gym session for your willpower. Temptation can be made positive if you want it to. And if temptation wins then so what. Sometimes, eating that ginger biscuit chocolate bite thing may make you happy. Telling that one woman that you have secretly been attracted to her can be the beginning of a blossoming relationship. Scratching that itch may help you get back to meditation and moving may make your bottom feel less numb! Also, telling those people not to ignore you may create a conversation that will eventually change your life. I know it does sound incredibly ideal but let’s be real, whatever was once ideal has become a reality. I remember being a kid and thinking about cameras on mobile phones being revolutionary! So things can be done.

Whatever it is that tempts you right now and you see a spark of positivity in it then go for it. If it doesn’t work out then fair enough, their loss aswell as yours!

Love and blessings,
Rahul

Post 97 – The Paradigm of Truth

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Confidence is something that grows with time. When we look at the situation we are in, we think of many faults and we think of how we do not deserve things, we have an inner hierarchy and we lose out on living in each moment.

For example, we all may believe in a higher being, we can call it God or Truth or a True Master (Satguru) and we always seem to feel smaller than these beings. I find this common in mainly religion and find it seeping in to spirituality. We belittle ourselves instead of looking at that which is higher and then attaining to it. We praise the highest order but we make ourselves at the bottom.

Now, there is a fine line here because one can turn around and say it is humility hence we say we are at the bottom. Humility simply means you see all things as One and Equal and you serve ALL in the same manner. That is humility. Humility isn’t when you put things in an hierarchy. However, the ones who have realised the Truth continue to tell us that we are Truth seeking the Truth and that is the Truth.

So today, what I am trying to say in this blog message is that you can realise your potential, which is God, which is Truth, which is the Satguru. Once you realise it then you are IT.

Confidence is something that builds up when we can be truly humble and be as strong as Truth. We can be as stable as Truth. The way to Truth may be chaos but once you go through all the trials and tribulations, you find silence, bliss and peace!

Attain it! It is Yours.

Call it enlightenment or whatever pleases you, you are all here to have a mystical Truth to lead a spiritual life that defines in words what religion truly is. This path may be for the few but the few can be made up into millions.

Let me put it in another way, Truth is an expression (Mysticism), Truth is a way of life (Spirituality) and Truth is an experience (Religion). You need all of this, so it is best to find your way to religion. Most people who claim to be religious or belong to a religion may not fit in my paradigm here but they now know the way to be religious!

Rahul

Post 95 – Knowing is the Only Way!

Hi readers!

Hope you are well.

I had a thought, can I call it a thought or shall I say revelation? Hear this out: ‘If you know the Truth then you don’t know. You can only be in knowing of the Truth.’

I probably could say the last sentence with greater clarity but I shall explain this a little now. Whenever, you come to a point and say ‘I know the Truth’ that cannot be the Truth speaking. It can only mean that you have given up knowing or desiring to know more. Instead, you have made the Truth a possession and you cannot possess the Truth. It cannot be grasped nor seen but it creates a great amount of intensity within you. It creates something intimate, where the feelings overflow into something magnificent. So the state of what is called enlightenment is the discovery of knowing. Knowing is everlasting, it is infinite and therefore cannot be grasped by thought. If it is, it creates memory and memory cannot be the Truth. Truth is always new, always fresh and pleasant as it is created from wisdom. Truth is freedom. Memory is distorted and can lead to illusion as it is base is knowledge or just mere words on a paper. Memory is a prison.

Therefore, meditation must be treated as a ground for inner enquiry and discovery. It is easy to say there is a God or there is a soul. But has this very discovery been your own? Never be comfortable with any idea. The Truth is never comfortable because it implies knowing which leads to internal growing. Remember, knowing is a verb, it is action. And to know really means you knew. If you know something today then tomorrow it may be something different. Therefore, this means you ‘knew’, you don’t ‘know’ it. You have to think about this. This might sound a little too intellectual but if you let this settle within you, enquire within you, be part of this whole discussion then something great can be discovered. Can you know God? Can you know the Truth?

I shall keep this post nice and small so you may think about it.

My love to all,

Rahul

Post 94 – Meditation and Music

Dearest friends,

Hope all are well!

Gratitude to the Formless that resides in all hearts! I wanted to write about music and meditation/prayer. Real prayer is meditation and meditation is real prayer. In sanskrit, they call it dhyana. Meditation is a very cold word to use compared to the sanskrit word. I love the word dhyana because in the sanskrit, there is a sense of union. A union between you and Existence, you and the Divine and you and God. I use God because it is a common term. We all pray to God but do we know God? Worst still, some of us have Gurus or Gods that we worship and can we say we know them? And truly knowing them is loving them, truly merging with them is the only worship.

I want to tell you a story. A Hare Krishna devotee once asked me ‘Do you know Krishna, can I meet Him?’ When he asked me, I looked into his eyes deeply and saw whether he was genuine and trust me, some people are good actors too! I replied ‘What would you do if you met Krishna? What would you say to Him?’ He looked rather confused at my question and said ‘I would like Krishna to answer my prayers.’ I laughed because now I understood what he was trying to do. I shook my head and said ‘It is better you still repeat ‘Hare Krishna, Hare Rama’ because if I let this meeting take place, you will destroy everything. Don’t ask me again until you deeply inquire within why I will not allow this meeting to take place.’ I ended it there and you must be wondering why? But before I disclose why…take a few moments to think why!

So why did I say no? First of all, he was sort of challenging Krishna. He doesn’t truly worship nor love Krishna. In your case, you may not truly worship nor love your Guru or God(s) or Goddess(-es). Plus, his challenge was weak to Krishna, he wanted Krishna to answer his prayers. Now, to you it does not look like a bad thing but it is a sin in my opinion. Now, Krishna can easily say ‘No’ and this person, because he truly has not worshipped, he has not surrendered, he has not accepted, he has not loved will pretend to be ‘heartbroken’ and will lose his ‘belief’! Remember, I have not said faith! Faith is above belief, faith is based on acceptance and knowing. Think and inquire, whether every cell of your body wants to meet the Divine, to meet the Ultimate Reality, to meet God. If this meeting takes places, enlightenment is at your feet!

Now, for those that find meditation difficult, it is essential to put some music on. It is best if it is spiritual music of course and preferably without words. Meditate with eyes closed, concentrate on each breath and take your God’s name in the outtake of the breath. So exhale and take your God’s name or Guru’s name.  Music is the union of sound and instrument. Meditation is the union between your mind and the Ultimate Reality. There is an inner world that needs to be discovered and this is your chance now!

I will keep this post short and somewhat incomplete. If you have questions, just post them underneath but better still, meditate!

Love always,

Rahul

Post 93 – My letter to Hindus

Dearest my lovely readers!

Hope you are all fine and are having a great week.

Today I would like to talk to my Hindu friends. Coming from a Hindu background, I have grown up around Hindus and Sikhs. Frankly, Hinduism is so vast and that can be seen in a positive light or a negative light. It can be seen that it is very open to new practices hence the vastness. Or it can mean that the Truth has lost itself with rituals and false commentaries being placed above it. On top of that, some Gurus do not even understand the scriptures themselves and then start their rants.

I have read a lot of the Hindu scriptures. I have read the Upanishads, the Bhagavad Gita, the Ashtavakra Gita, the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali and the Rig Veda.

I have thoroughly enjoyed the Upanishads and the Ashtavakra Gita and the reason is that this is the direct truth as it is. It is between the masters and the disciples. It points to the truth and does not shy away from saying that Hinduism is meant to be full of sages. This is something I really respect about Hinduism but with the new wave of Gurus and with them all claiming a right over the Truth, it is sad to see the growth has stopped and blind worshipping has taken over.

The latter (Ashtavakra Gita) possibly the best thing I have ever read is a book that shows how a Guru transforms his disciple into a master of his own right.

The Bhagavad Gita is great but due to its openness, it is always open to interpretation and many people can resonate with it because Krishna accepts everything. However, this is not the right way to look at the Bhagavad Gita. One must understand the context in which Krishna speaks and it does not necessarily mean that we can adapt what He says to fulfill our egoic ambitions. One can see the way it has been misinterpreted by the head of the cult ISKON. I have read the Bhagavad Gita As It Is and it’s very poor when it comes to the commentary and the author does not explore all avenues to what Krishna could have meant. Sadly, the translation falls short and I personally would never recommend this to read first. Then I have read the commentary of the Bhagavad Gita by one of my favourite Guru’s – Osho. If you click on the word Osho, a pdf of the book will open in a new window or tab. This is the best commentary of Krishna’s words and Osho brings a modern flavour to it without limiting Krishna. If you really love Krishna, it will show in how you take Osho’s words. On top of that, I would say the translation by Eknath Easwaran is top notch!

The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali are interesting and can be a bit difficult to understand for a new person. However, I will say it is amazing to read. I would suggest you find someone who has read it to explain it to you if you feel you cannot understand it.

The last one is the Rig Veda and I find this to be the weakest of all scriptures. It is funny how majority of the priests follow this scripture but it is very ordinary. There is hardly anything great or outstanding in it. You can tell that it is written by some greedy people, who were more interested in maintaining their power in society. The Vedas is a collection of ordinary words and expectation for something spiritual diminishes very early on. It is more a political book than a spiritual one.

I remember once speaking to a Pandit from London and I must say that I respect him alot and if I see him, I will give him a huge hug. I asked him ‘What is the best translation for the Vedas?’ He looked at me and saw my thirst for the Truth and whispered ‘Don’t read the Vedas yet, read the Upanishads first. It is more interesting and spiritual.’ I was a little confused so I asked him ‘Don’t you use the Vedas for your practices?’ And his loving response was ‘Very rarely do I tell someone to read the Upanishads, seeing you has made me very happy and I know you are not a hindu. As far as the Vedas is concerned, I have to earn my bread and butter.’ There was sadness in his voice but hope too. The fact is, I knew he never met anyone who has asked to read the scriptures. But if you understand what the Pandit was saying, it is of immense value.

I have come across people in my life, who claim to be Hindus and have never read their own scriptures. They will do the pilgrimages, they will go to the mandirs, they will listen to the kirtans and do jagaratas (all night prayer), they will do their rites and rituals in front of their idols but not one of them have consulted the scriptures. Hence, it is easy for Gurus to manipulate the scriptures to meet their needs. I see it on the television, all these gurus quoting the scriptures and because nobody has read them, people are misled. If the Guru on the stage says that ‘Do not drink water between 5pm and 6pm on a Tuesday otherwise it will bring you problems. I can guarantee this because it is written in the Vedas. If you want to get rid of this – there is the donation box and you will be saved.’ And the majority of people have not read the scriptures (and even most priests cannot remember alot of the scripture) and they will fall into the trap. They cannot remember if they have had a sip of water during that time and it is possible that they have, so they will put something in the donation box. This is blind faith. As far as I am concerned and the Upanishads are concerned, they tell you to know the Truth directly, instead of going around gurus who will not teach you the scripture but is looking to fill his pocket with YOUR money!

A True Guru will tell you the tool for self-realisation or god-realisation and then will tell you to read the scriptures and see if you can see the Truth now. You will be surprised at what you find out! In fact, the Upanishads tell you that go and find a Master, who can give you the Divine Revelation, who can give you Enlightenment! There are a few Gurus out there that are doing this. I will not say that it is my Guru only. Existence has been kind and blessed us with a couple of enlightened gurus.

If people used a little intelligence and spared a little time to read their scriptures, they would understand their religion. Hinduism is not a religion that is misunderstood by non-hindus but in fact, is the most misunderstood within its own followers. I have read the scriptures and say this with authority. If they consulted their scriptures, they would know that the way they are worshipping is not going to give them liberation nor is it going to improve their next lives. So I find it a sad state of affairs to see Hinduism losing itself in the insignificance of useless practices. Just read the Upanishads or the other scriptures. I would love to have a chat with you and discuss it in depth. If you are really religious and it’s not something you do for leisure or ‘time-pass’ then you will take my offer. I find the knowledge to be far too valuable to be lost in the miniscule nature of the practices that are ordained by the ignorant priests.

What Hindus here need to recognise is that I am not even a Hindu and I know your religion more than you. I find that sad. Prove me wrong and read the scriptures. Please!

I have a vision that one day, these scriptures will be talked about and practiced. The scriptures will be a guide instead of being a mere tool for reciting. It is all about reading, listening to it in your mind, then contemplating on it and let the experience flow. I feel this can be done today and this is what real learning or education is. This is what a real place of worship does. It places experience over words. The experience becomes the Truth. All the scriptures are meant to do is create a desire within you to experience the Truth, the real Freedom, to be one with godliness!

Thank you for reading this and I hope you understand me.

With love,

Rahul

Post 57 – Valentine’s Mishap! (Inc. romantic poem)

It was recently Valentine’s Day as lovers and non-lovers know. One of my friends thought it would be nice for me to write a poem for him so he could give to his girlfriend. Of course, I had no problem with it until I was told the next day that his girlfriend had recognised the fact that her boyfriend cannot write something so beautiful.* In fact, she turned around and told him that whoever had written this must be a ‘hardcore romantic’! At this point, when my friend told me this – I burst out laughing and so did he. Why you must ask? Well, first of all I am a hardcore romantic but I hardly ever show it anymore. He believes that girls have taken the romance out of me and that now my journey is about finding the girl who can bring back the romance. So he is heavily interested in my Valentine’s Day date (my first ever) but I told him not to have expectations because I don’t and never will. But I must admit – it was the best date I had ever had though. But do all good things have to come to an end? Only this damn thing called time will tell! Oh and the girl! And not to forget ME!

I feel slightly bad writing this but I wish I had written a poem for my date because I still feel like I didn’t do enough to show who I am. In fact that is my biggest struggle and that is showing the other who I am. I know I can show so much but it remains 1-10% of who I am. Anyway, for the hardcore romantics like myself – who get drunk and write about love (not many know this but I do it a lot) this is for you.

By the way this is a new style for me of writing poetry. I don’t know where it has been inspired from:

 

Each breath holds a certain suffocation and in this suffocation there is satisfaction.

The soul is an endless well of affection yet this well has to meet an end.

The beauty of your eyes show me an infinite pool of passion.

My heart cannot cope with this moment but will die without living it.

The more I dwell on the sky. The more the sky dwells on me.

What does this stranger expect when contemplating on the sky with love?

There is no comparisons when you drown in both the sky and love – both are infinite.

The more moments I spend searching within your eyes – the more I lose my self.

Grant me this one wish my beloved and there is no other requisition .

Free this body of its suffocation by giving birth to a life of love with you.

 

Love,

Rahul N Singh

*By the way, they gave me permission to write this but I swore to anonymity.